Longing for more than myself.
Studying the alive.
Learning from the dead.
Wondering about wandering,
Is it really all that they crack it open to be?
I have tried a little wandering myself,
I found it to be harrowing.
What do I love?
Joy in the everyday.
Coffee is really close,
Wine slides into second.
I suppose that there is the threat of separation
Even with beverages,
but they have been around for quite some time,
and I am pretty sure that given even the bleakest of
circumstances there are hordes that would
prioritize the importance of coffee and alcohol.
Beverages are pretty close to immortal.
That is somewhat comforting.
Relationships on the other hand.
Be still my palpitating heart.
The darn ships take so long to figure out
Are so freaking hard to sail
And then they sink
Time and time and time and time again
The darn ships sink to the bottom of
Deep, blue sea, leaving me with
The devil for company.
Anyone that is in a relationship with me now
Will wonder if I am calling them the devil,
Goodness, NO!
If you are in a relationship with me now,
You are a saint, Sweetheart, a saint.
The devil is the voice inside my head,
the one that says that just as soon as I find
the skills necessary to navigate the stormy seas
I will be harvested by the reaper.
Or maybe I won't ever find the skills
Maybe there is a sailing purgatory
Forever taunting
Until you get it right
But you never will
What would be the fun in that
Who are these gods?
Which leads me to the "hope" of religion,
Which sounds a lot like this to me...
"God loves a select few. We want to say that God
unconditionally loves everyone, and we do actually say that, but the truth is that our God is an elitist that loves people more based on race and gender, and you, Amy, are somewhat outside of his favorites list, and always have been, seeing as how you are a "grafted" ethnicity, and a girl..."
The Goddess, on the other hand, she understands. I really want to get to know her better, but it seems that she loves covens.... she loves rituals, she loves dance parties, she loves temples, and she loves beauty. All those things seem to require people, strong, sensitive, beautiful people, preferably, but we all seem broken to little pieces by the angry hand of patriarchy. The Goddess and the God, I have no "Good Book" about them besides the earth and the creatures and the celestial heavens.... Like a little hedgehog, I am.
I saw a picture on social media the other day of a man forcing a woman to suck his dick. He was wildly supported in this, because the woman was just a picture and she wasn't really doing the deed, but it looked like she was, which is highly disrespectful to all women. What was particularly disturbing was how many women approved because they didn't like the individual woman who was being disrespected. They approved of a man forcing a woman into a perceived sexual act because they didn't like the woman and they rejoiced at the thought of destroying her reputation, or what might be left of it.... that is at the core of our society. Things that people would find wildly despicable on the one hand they tend to find acceptable if they think the person "deserves" it... and the reasons for "deserving" it are almost always related to conditioned opinions.
I have been hearing a thought lately from several places along the lines of, "your greatest weakness is also your greatest strength." I think that for our society it is money. I think that for me it is thinking. I don't know what to do with all my thoughts. They aren't all good ones, but I really don't know which ones are any good and which ones aren't and even if I did know how to tell them apart I don't know what to do with them.
Everyone has thoughts, but it seems to me that some people aren't particularly good at thinking. They are better at something else... we need to work together, but they think they are good at thinking which scares me, because maybe I only think I am good at thinking. There are certainly those that enjoy telling me I am full of crap, and sometimes they are very correct, but if they would take the time to talk to me about why they feel that way it would help me reason my way through whatever it is and come to a slightly adjusted perspective, no doubt. That doesn't mean we would come to an agreement. Everyone seems designed to live life with bias, it is as if it is programmed into our life projection for the purpose of balance, or something....
At any rate, the most interesting thing about life for me these days is relationships, and what makes them tick. Are all "strong" relationships primarily based on mutual need? It doesn't seem that they start out that way all the time, but truly it does seem to be what decides longevity.... mutualism.
I have to ask myself, "Has my heart grown cold?" I am so tired of the bull shit, so tired of the lies, so weary of the shallow existence that the masses pursue with their health and wealth and sanity. Not that sanity is the goal, there are different types of insanity, some are good, some are not so good. The insanity that decided to go with gut instinct and fly when you have never flown before, even with sharks in the water below you, that is a good type of insanity, albeit a potentially deadly one, but the insanity that says "don't fly," stay here on this beach and starve in loneliness and fear, that is an insanity that is not the good kind. (Watch a documentary on Albatrosses for greater insight into that analogy.) You might argue that they are both types of sanity, perhaps, until you put yourself in that position, until you realize that is your life, you don't even have pretend to wear those shoes, they are your shoes.
Would it be true, then, that at the essence of what we have "failed" at most sadly is also what is most likely our life calling?
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Sunday, September 11, 2016
Learn and Let Live
I believe in enemies.
I believe that enemies offer a valuable perspective of our weakness and our strength.
I don't particularly like having enemies, but they have taught me much and I am grateful.
I do prefer friendship.
(Yes, I just started four sentences with "I" and I don't give a damn if they are in a paragraph, and I know there are people that will quickly judge a person's character by their sentence structure and, well... how is this for sentence structure... f u.)
One of the things I have learned is that to love your enemy does not have to mean that you have become friends.
Having a few enemies has also caused me to look at good causes in a different way.
Being justified and perhaps even correct often results in being unjustified and incorrect, or so it seems from studying what we know of history. For example, when one group of people gets victimized by another group of people those who are victimized have every right to be angry about their situation, to demand respect, but they are not necessarily justified in their retaliation, especially when that retaliation is every bit as brutal and heartless as the original offenses. Bigotry does not justify bigotry. I do not believe in an eye for an eye. I do not believe that when the rivers ran red with the blood of men, women and children that the best answer was for the rivers to run red again with the blood of more men, women and children and yet, over and over and over again the genocide begins with a good cause.
Every good cause without love for its enemies is capable of becoming a bloody genocide.
I believe that enemies offer a valuable perspective of our weakness and our strength.
I don't particularly like having enemies, but they have taught me much and I am grateful.
I do prefer friendship.
(Yes, I just started four sentences with "I" and I don't give a damn if they are in a paragraph, and I know there are people that will quickly judge a person's character by their sentence structure and, well... how is this for sentence structure... f u.)
One of the things I have learned is that to love your enemy does not have to mean that you have become friends.
Having a few enemies has also caused me to look at good causes in a different way.
Being justified and perhaps even correct often results in being unjustified and incorrect, or so it seems from studying what we know of history. For example, when one group of people gets victimized by another group of people those who are victimized have every right to be angry about their situation, to demand respect, but they are not necessarily justified in their retaliation, especially when that retaliation is every bit as brutal and heartless as the original offenses. Bigotry does not justify bigotry. I do not believe in an eye for an eye. I do not believe that when the rivers ran red with the blood of men, women and children that the best answer was for the rivers to run red again with the blood of more men, women and children and yet, over and over and over again the genocide begins with a good cause.
Every good cause without love for its enemies is capable of becoming a bloody genocide.
The Larger Tribe
It isn't that we have too many humans, exactly, it is that we do not have enough humanity. We do not live with the understanding that this earth is a place for all who are born on it, all that lives on it and sits on it and exists on it. We do not endeavor to create a well-balance environment. It seems that we endeavor to amass items for ourselves with the great fear that we will suffer and die if we do not, yet suffer and die we will anyway. I hope that there is a greater lesson. I hope that we are like little children in a beautiful playroom, left to our imaginations. I hope that our souls are without damage. I hope that there are beings more benevolent and wise that are allowing us to learn through play. Children are magical and brutal. Their innocence and selfishness are both charming and terrifying. We are not unlike them, even as adults.
Even the sacred indigenous groups that folks like myself love to learn from, even they are often highly territorial. They seem to have learned the necessity of respecting their environment, but they do not seem to recognize humans as their tribe. Our tribes are all small. All humans can trace their ancestry back and back and back and back... no one is more exclusive, no one is more entitled, no one is more sacred, no one owns the earth.
Even the sacred indigenous groups that folks like myself love to learn from, even they are often highly territorial. They seem to have learned the necessity of respecting their environment, but they do not seem to recognize humans as their tribe. Our tribes are all small. All humans can trace their ancestry back and back and back and back... no one is more exclusive, no one is more entitled, no one is more sacred, no one owns the earth.
Dreams
I've had some dreams lately about people I know well, people I am getting acquainted with, and people I do not recall having met yet. They were not nightmares, but they were not entirely pleasant either, along the lines of accidentally being at a birthday party I was not invited to, a loved one vomiting on vacation which annoyed the innkeeper, and holding someone's lost keys and not being able to find the person they belong to....
I think that tarot card interpretations are helping me to perceive dreams and life with a different perspective. For instance, Death is tarot card that can mean many things. Since ending are always beginnings, Death is not necessarily a terrible card, although change can be scary and mournful. The innkeeper is akin to the Death card...
The birthday party and keys were both in a house that was not my own. It was actually a workplace of someone I know quite well and all the people in it had extreme feminism and extreme social altruism in common, but like tarot cards, a good thing out of balance is not such a good thing. I might not have recognized what the subjects of the dream all had in common if it had not been for that dream. I am grateful for the realization and I now need to proceed with perspective and feeling with my own balance in equilibrium, which is not an easy thing to do as evidenced by the many, many unbalanced people in the world...
The thing that the dream helped me to realize about extreme feminism is that although it appears to have liberated the woman, and in many ways it truly has, and I am so very thankful for those liberations, yet in the extreme sense it seems to encourage a woman to embody patriarchal principles, essentially destroying the matriarchal archetype. The patriarchal extreme is to destroy the matriarchal archetype by suffocating it with patriarchal expectations and demands, along the lines of the feminine existing solely to feed the needs of the masculine as if the masculine is a parasite, which isn't fair to either archetype. The balance is to celebrate the matriarchal archetypical qualities and the patriarchal archetypical qualities. Men and women are capable of embodying and representing these archetypes, but these archetypes are not gender specific, and each gender needs the balance of both archetypical qualities. Emotion and power both need embraced in our character, not exchanging one for the other. To be nurturing and powerful is a most difficult, but essential combination, so very much needed.
I think that tarot card interpretations are helping me to perceive dreams and life with a different perspective. For instance, Death is tarot card that can mean many things. Since ending are always beginnings, Death is not necessarily a terrible card, although change can be scary and mournful. The innkeeper is akin to the Death card...
The birthday party and keys were both in a house that was not my own. It was actually a workplace of someone I know quite well and all the people in it had extreme feminism and extreme social altruism in common, but like tarot cards, a good thing out of balance is not such a good thing. I might not have recognized what the subjects of the dream all had in common if it had not been for that dream. I am grateful for the realization and I now need to proceed with perspective and feeling with my own balance in equilibrium, which is not an easy thing to do as evidenced by the many, many unbalanced people in the world...
The thing that the dream helped me to realize about extreme feminism is that although it appears to have liberated the woman, and in many ways it truly has, and I am so very thankful for those liberations, yet in the extreme sense it seems to encourage a woman to embody patriarchal principles, essentially destroying the matriarchal archetype. The patriarchal extreme is to destroy the matriarchal archetype by suffocating it with patriarchal expectations and demands, along the lines of the feminine existing solely to feed the needs of the masculine as if the masculine is a parasite, which isn't fair to either archetype. The balance is to celebrate the matriarchal archetypical qualities and the patriarchal archetypical qualities. Men and women are capable of embodying and representing these archetypes, but these archetypes are not gender specific, and each gender needs the balance of both archetypical qualities. Emotion and power both need embraced in our character, not exchanging one for the other. To be nurturing and powerful is a most difficult, but essential combination, so very much needed.
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
Favorite Sounds
The first loud cries of a newborn baby
Toddler composed songs
Winter silence
Springtime birds in the morning
Crickets in the evening at midsummer
Locusts and owls at midnight, late summer
The screech of a beginning musician
Singing at the kitchen sink
Giggles at a funeral
Sobs at a wedding
The turnover of a cranky engine
Epic soundtracks at mundane times
Ancient acoustics
Your children are like you
And they are wonderful
Here’s coffee and milk
You are welcomed
Monday, August 22, 2016
Walk Like a Tadpole
The blue cord of time
Reminding me of these
Things of truth and unity
Why I'm here
And what it cost
Without my presence
What would be lost
struggles always very real
loathe to feel
the constant pain
of cutting reins
the load once heavy
now simply sings
of epic fights
and not one right
just deep and long
so goes the song
standing still upon a hill
the sweeping vista boggy
the deepest pits
we soon will know
now mystical and foggy
should we fear?
should we turn back?
should we give up?
what do we lack?
what will we make?
what will we kill?
will we die?
we know we will,
till then we try,
we try for home,
we try for hope,
we try for balance,
we feel the rope.
the whip of time,
it lashes out
across our backs
we learn to doubt
the smart ones talk
they say we make
the bed we leave
they say we choose
the breast we cleave
they say we knew
that time we weave
and space we heave
with each sweet breath
with each brief thought
linger long we should
but don't
on the hook
that has us caught
we don't think much
about the trap
not at all
about the snap
that could be had
if fought we did
against the pull
against the harvester
against the cruel
cold hand of fate
that we believe
has yet to make
or break our life
unless we grow
something that
does not exist
something
we must manifest
so think we must
think long and hard
about the
hand
about the
card
do you really want to be
the fish they caught
these fishers of men?
Tuesday, August 16, 2016
Gleaning
Gleaning is a practice of collecting what is left over from the harvest. The farmer would go through and collect the lion's share and purposefully not pick up the scraps, because that was how welfare worked then. Those who needed food could collect the scraps. Maybe welfare still works that way somewhere, but I am not familiar with it being a local practice in these parts of the world.
I am purposefully using that word in regards to my understanding of the gods. I feel like I have what is left over from the harvest of religions. Years and years of opinionated religious toils have left the field worked over, just bits and pieces of what was are now left for me to scrounge. Yet, these bits are seeds, and plant them I will.
One variety of seed is called "El Ohim." I don't entirely understand all that it is, but I know that it is plural. The "El Ohim" are the ones referred to in Genesis as "We." The "We" who made mankind in their image, "male and female." Theories suggest that the ancient texts have been written and rewritten to reflect various view points, and that seems to make sense to me. I have also heard that some believe that each word, even each letter holds significance, perhaps a meaning all its own. That also seems believable to me, but I make of it then my own accounting.
The significance continues with another word "El Elyon." El Elyon is the highest of the El Ohim. You have heard of a "man's man?" Well, El Elyon seems to be a "god's god."
Who the Els are could be highly debated, of course, like all religion, politics and child-raising... I just can't let go of the debatable, but nonetheless, all I'm saying is that I too have opinions. Don't you just love them, opinions?
My opinion is that the Bible is polytheistic, at least in part, and that opinion makes me smile and opens up my views. I have planted that seed in my thoughts, and it is growing nicely.... matter of fact, it has grown so big over the recent years that I have fully embraced the concepts of polytheism outside of the Biblical narrative as well, and that also makes me smile and opens up my views so large that the Bible is now a part of my own historical influence, a portion of my belief system. So many interesting, interesting stories of gods and god's gods, and they seem to have similarities, as if all of our ancestors grew on the same earth.... amazing, isn't it?
Just in case you would like to look into the Els a little more for yourself, if you haven't already, I recommend these links: Bible Hub Hebrew Study of elohim and Bible Hub Hebrew Study of El Elyon
I am purposefully using that word in regards to my understanding of the gods. I feel like I have what is left over from the harvest of religions. Years and years of opinionated religious toils have left the field worked over, just bits and pieces of what was are now left for me to scrounge. Yet, these bits are seeds, and plant them I will.
One variety of seed is called "El Ohim." I don't entirely understand all that it is, but I know that it is plural. The "El Ohim" are the ones referred to in Genesis as "We." The "We" who made mankind in their image, "male and female." Theories suggest that the ancient texts have been written and rewritten to reflect various view points, and that seems to make sense to me. I have also heard that some believe that each word, even each letter holds significance, perhaps a meaning all its own. That also seems believable to me, but I make of it then my own accounting.
The significance continues with another word "El Elyon." El Elyon is the highest of the El Ohim. You have heard of a "man's man?" Well, El Elyon seems to be a "god's god."
Who the Els are could be highly debated, of course, like all religion, politics and child-raising... I just can't let go of the debatable, but nonetheless, all I'm saying is that I too have opinions. Don't you just love them, opinions?
My opinion is that the Bible is polytheistic, at least in part, and that opinion makes me smile and opens up my views. I have planted that seed in my thoughts, and it is growing nicely.... matter of fact, it has grown so big over the recent years that I have fully embraced the concepts of polytheism outside of the Biblical narrative as well, and that also makes me smile and opens up my views so large that the Bible is now a part of my own historical influence, a portion of my belief system. So many interesting, interesting stories of gods and god's gods, and they seem to have similarities, as if all of our ancestors grew on the same earth.... amazing, isn't it?
Just in case you would like to look into the Els a little more for yourself, if you haven't already, I recommend these links: Bible Hub Hebrew Study of elohim and Bible Hub Hebrew Study of El Elyon
Thursday, April 28, 2016
Mad/Sad
An article came across my social media today that got me to thinking... a lot of things get me to thinking, but here is this particular train of thought...
The article was in regards to traumatic shaking. It referred to dogs after a dog fight, how they shake. I wouldn't know anything about a dog fight, but I do know about traumatic shaking. I shook uncontrollably after labor and delivery for each of my children. Perhaps it happened each time, perhaps it was just most of them, I just remember it happening several times, a lot is foggy about all that.
So, the article states that the shaking is the body's way of releasing the memory of pain that would otherwise be stored in the physical body, as opposed to the emotions. The idea of our physical body having its own memory is a fascinating concept, one that also leads to generational memory and PTSD across the ages. It would be nice to also include some positivity in all that, and I am sure it is there... somewhere... I mean, definitely it is for the labor and delivery... my children are totally worth it.
What feels less worth the trauma and shaking was a single instance of extreme stress after an encounter regarding my mother. I can't even remember the details of it, but I remember shaking so uncontrollably and thinking that the only other times I shook like this were after the harrowing hours of birth. It all made so little sense at the time, but as I muse on it now I realize something. One of my primary thoughts during labor and delivery was a religious indoctrination. The one that says that the pain of childbirth was a result of an ancestral woman eating a piece of fruit, and that some hateful, hateful god decided that all women should experience extreme and sometimes deadly painful birthing consequences as a result of this "failure in judgment." I felt so hated by this god. Something deep inside me has completely rebelled since then. I refuse to buy that hatred hook, line and sinker like so many have before me, like so many still do.
My mother and my husband's mother were also raised under this ideology.... the one that says that women deserve their pain, that women are inherently cursed to suffer, and that there is absolutely no redemption for it. Maybe, if we are good enough, our souls can manage to get into eternal heaven, maybe... but we are women after all, so don't count on it. I know that my mother and my husband's mother also have a deep sense of self-loathing in the core of their being, but it doesn't help one iota when they project that self-loathing onto me and/or my daughters. When they favor their sons, their husbands, their fathers, the whole patriarchal regime over a little girl.... it can make me shake uncontrollably.
I feel bad for them. I feel bad for the ideology and brainwashing that they endured and still endure. I appreciate that they rebelled even as much as they did, but they haven't been healed, not completely. Maybe they have moved forward on their path of healing, but they still perpetuate the madness. The only way for me to move forward, to heal this body, these genetic memories, to clear the slate for my children, all my children, is to reject the madness, to stand firm in the belief that there is a sacred feminine that is beautiful. That the deep feminine aspects of our beings are not in competition with men, we don't have to be equal to or better than or less than... they are them and we are us. They represent a sacred masculine and we represent a sacred feminine... two similar, but very different representations.
It isn't just women that suffer due to this grotesque mindset, it is also men, males, boys too. Women are the nurturers. Women are the life-bearers. Women are the sensitive beings that physically respond to the cry of an infant, quite literally! Breastfeeding mothers are likely to begin the letting down of milk when they hear an infant crying, sometimes it doesn't even need to be their own infant, a crying baby=a leaking breast! The inner child in all of us needs the wholeness of representation of the divine feminine. We need to know that our cries cause a deep nurturing reaction. We need to know the love of a father and a mother to be whole. I want to insert the word divine before father and mother, that we need a divine father and a divine mother, but that takes so many back to a religious concept... this concept of a divine father that heartlessly stands by and watches all women suffer violently while giving birth, many of these women being completely unwilling to have been impregnated in the first place.... many others giving their lives for love of child they have never seen. That is not the kind of divine father I am talking about, may he rot in the hell of all the pain of all the labors of all the women of all the ages.... this god "they" call merciful... are "they" insane?
My mother has asked me, "What have I done? What have I done that has caused you to stop loving me?" My response... "You taught me how to love conditionally. I am sorry. I am trying to learn another way, a better way, but first I have to heal the memories, the ones deep in my psyche and my DNA, the ones your mother taught you, and her mother taught her. The ones you haven't been able to heal yet. I need to do this for myself, and my daughters. There is rumor that healing can even go back in time. Let us hope so."
They also say that when you have sex the women quite often will absorb the man's DNA. She literally becomes a piece of him. So, although some of my in-laws have officially decided to not recognize me as family... a recent obituary proved that... the truth is... I am blood family, even without acknowledgment. I carry the memories of both sides of the family in me, especially since mothers also carry the DNA of their children after birth, a bit of it stays, keeping them always connected, which I suppose is how I can send healing both ways... if I can figure it out without self-destructing first.
Previous generations, if you yell at me, if you take me for granted, if you disrespect me in any way, even by playing the victim.... I must step away. I must shake it off... even if I sound like a pop song..... *chuckle.* I know you don't know any better, but I do know better, I just have a lot more to learn about it, and I can't have you continually triggering fresh shakes.... I am trying to grow a new paradigm, a loved generation. My door is not completely closed to the previous generations who have disappointed, but after each hurtful episode the obstacles in the path grow higher and your love will have to be bigger to surmount them. Next generations, I make no promises, I claim no accolades, but I am trying to know what it means to be love and I hope that counts for something.
I have struggled with the realization that I give much more of myself to my children than I give to my parents. I give more patience, more time, more money, more energy, more hope, more everything. I have been given guilt trips for that from the older generation, "Don't you know you are supposed to honor your mother and your father?" The best advice I was given regarding the guilt trip is that parents bring children into the world, those children don't ask to be brought into the world, so the parents have a responsibility toward the children, more so than the children have to the parents. Many parents have used the argument that their children "owe" them... I don't feel that way about my children. I should hope that if I ever have need of a hand to steady me as I age, that their love for me will cause them to consider it an honor, but if I have not earned that honor and respect, then it would be horrible of me to demand it. I don't think I would turn away an elderly person that asked for my help, if I truly thought they needed it, but I will not be manipulated or guilted into sacrificing for my parents what is rightfully due my children, at least rightfully due by the rules of my heart, and mind, and soul.
My enemies may gloat. My mother may garner sympathy from all her friends. My father doesn't give a damn about me... My in-laws might not have a clue what to think of me, they certainly don't favor me, fascinated?... maybe... love? not sure... would be nice.... maybe someday I'll know.
Fortunately, the steps forward that have been made, hard won perhaps, are blooming and growing and deep and healing between the masculine manifestation I call my husband and the feminine manifestation I call myself. We are growing together. Time has refined our love, strengthened our trust, deepened our insight and sweetened our tears. Praise the gods! Whoever they are... the benevolent ones that react with nurturing when we cry....
P.S. Life is a potluck, everyone brings a dish, eat at your own risk... It might have botulism, or it might be the best thing ever, in which case you need to track down that recipe.
The article was in regards to traumatic shaking. It referred to dogs after a dog fight, how they shake. I wouldn't know anything about a dog fight, but I do know about traumatic shaking. I shook uncontrollably after labor and delivery for each of my children. Perhaps it happened each time, perhaps it was just most of them, I just remember it happening several times, a lot is foggy about all that.
So, the article states that the shaking is the body's way of releasing the memory of pain that would otherwise be stored in the physical body, as opposed to the emotions. The idea of our physical body having its own memory is a fascinating concept, one that also leads to generational memory and PTSD across the ages. It would be nice to also include some positivity in all that, and I am sure it is there... somewhere... I mean, definitely it is for the labor and delivery... my children are totally worth it.
What feels less worth the trauma and shaking was a single instance of extreme stress after an encounter regarding my mother. I can't even remember the details of it, but I remember shaking so uncontrollably and thinking that the only other times I shook like this were after the harrowing hours of birth. It all made so little sense at the time, but as I muse on it now I realize something. One of my primary thoughts during labor and delivery was a religious indoctrination. The one that says that the pain of childbirth was a result of an ancestral woman eating a piece of fruit, and that some hateful, hateful god decided that all women should experience extreme and sometimes deadly painful birthing consequences as a result of this "failure in judgment." I felt so hated by this god. Something deep inside me has completely rebelled since then. I refuse to buy that hatred hook, line and sinker like so many have before me, like so many still do.
My mother and my husband's mother were also raised under this ideology.... the one that says that women deserve their pain, that women are inherently cursed to suffer, and that there is absolutely no redemption for it. Maybe, if we are good enough, our souls can manage to get into eternal heaven, maybe... but we are women after all, so don't count on it. I know that my mother and my husband's mother also have a deep sense of self-loathing in the core of their being, but it doesn't help one iota when they project that self-loathing onto me and/or my daughters. When they favor their sons, their husbands, their fathers, the whole patriarchal regime over a little girl.... it can make me shake uncontrollably.
I feel bad for them. I feel bad for the ideology and brainwashing that they endured and still endure. I appreciate that they rebelled even as much as they did, but they haven't been healed, not completely. Maybe they have moved forward on their path of healing, but they still perpetuate the madness. The only way for me to move forward, to heal this body, these genetic memories, to clear the slate for my children, all my children, is to reject the madness, to stand firm in the belief that there is a sacred feminine that is beautiful. That the deep feminine aspects of our beings are not in competition with men, we don't have to be equal to or better than or less than... they are them and we are us. They represent a sacred masculine and we represent a sacred feminine... two similar, but very different representations.
It isn't just women that suffer due to this grotesque mindset, it is also men, males, boys too. Women are the nurturers. Women are the life-bearers. Women are the sensitive beings that physically respond to the cry of an infant, quite literally! Breastfeeding mothers are likely to begin the letting down of milk when they hear an infant crying, sometimes it doesn't even need to be their own infant, a crying baby=a leaking breast! The inner child in all of us needs the wholeness of representation of the divine feminine. We need to know that our cries cause a deep nurturing reaction. We need to know the love of a father and a mother to be whole. I want to insert the word divine before father and mother, that we need a divine father and a divine mother, but that takes so many back to a religious concept... this concept of a divine father that heartlessly stands by and watches all women suffer violently while giving birth, many of these women being completely unwilling to have been impregnated in the first place.... many others giving their lives for love of child they have never seen. That is not the kind of divine father I am talking about, may he rot in the hell of all the pain of all the labors of all the women of all the ages.... this god "they" call merciful... are "they" insane?
My mother has asked me, "What have I done? What have I done that has caused you to stop loving me?" My response... "You taught me how to love conditionally. I am sorry. I am trying to learn another way, a better way, but first I have to heal the memories, the ones deep in my psyche and my DNA, the ones your mother taught you, and her mother taught her. The ones you haven't been able to heal yet. I need to do this for myself, and my daughters. There is rumor that healing can even go back in time. Let us hope so."
They also say that when you have sex the women quite often will absorb the man's DNA. She literally becomes a piece of him. So, although some of my in-laws have officially decided to not recognize me as family... a recent obituary proved that... the truth is... I am blood family, even without acknowledgment. I carry the memories of both sides of the family in me, especially since mothers also carry the DNA of their children after birth, a bit of it stays, keeping them always connected, which I suppose is how I can send healing both ways... if I can figure it out without self-destructing first.
Previous generations, if you yell at me, if you take me for granted, if you disrespect me in any way, even by playing the victim.... I must step away. I must shake it off... even if I sound like a pop song..... *chuckle.* I know you don't know any better, but I do know better, I just have a lot more to learn about it, and I can't have you continually triggering fresh shakes.... I am trying to grow a new paradigm, a loved generation. My door is not completely closed to the previous generations who have disappointed, but after each hurtful episode the obstacles in the path grow higher and your love will have to be bigger to surmount them. Next generations, I make no promises, I claim no accolades, but I am trying to know what it means to be love and I hope that counts for something.
I have struggled with the realization that I give much more of myself to my children than I give to my parents. I give more patience, more time, more money, more energy, more hope, more everything. I have been given guilt trips for that from the older generation, "Don't you know you are supposed to honor your mother and your father?" The best advice I was given regarding the guilt trip is that parents bring children into the world, those children don't ask to be brought into the world, so the parents have a responsibility toward the children, more so than the children have to the parents. Many parents have used the argument that their children "owe" them... I don't feel that way about my children. I should hope that if I ever have need of a hand to steady me as I age, that their love for me will cause them to consider it an honor, but if I have not earned that honor and respect, then it would be horrible of me to demand it. I don't think I would turn away an elderly person that asked for my help, if I truly thought they needed it, but I will not be manipulated or guilted into sacrificing for my parents what is rightfully due my children, at least rightfully due by the rules of my heart, and mind, and soul.
My enemies may gloat. My mother may garner sympathy from all her friends. My father doesn't give a damn about me... My in-laws might not have a clue what to think of me, they certainly don't favor me, fascinated?... maybe... love? not sure... would be nice.... maybe someday I'll know.
Fortunately, the steps forward that have been made, hard won perhaps, are blooming and growing and deep and healing between the masculine manifestation I call my husband and the feminine manifestation I call myself. We are growing together. Time has refined our love, strengthened our trust, deepened our insight and sweetened our tears. Praise the gods! Whoever they are... the benevolent ones that react with nurturing when we cry....
P.S. Life is a potluck, everyone brings a dish, eat at your own risk... It might have botulism, or it might be the best thing ever, in which case you need to track down that recipe.
Friday, April 8, 2016
Cozy Cage
Little hamster
Running free
Lovely lessons
Teaching me
Every night
You'd fuss and fret
Freedom trying
Hard to get
One fine day
You did break through
The roof no longer
Sheltered you
Away you ran
Without a fear
Delighted that
The coast was clear
A little question
Rose to mind
When water there
You could not find
A wiser critter
You became
And sauntered out
For me to claim
No struggle
There was
You just waited
For us
And happy
You seem
In the cage
Of your dreams
Not every cage
is built with love
Though some the gods
Built from above
Running free
Lovely lessons
Teaching me
Every night
You'd fuss and fret
Freedom trying
Hard to get
One fine day
You did break through
The roof no longer
Sheltered you
Away you ran
Without a fear
Delighted that
The coast was clear
A little question
Rose to mind
When water there
You could not find
A wiser critter
You became
And sauntered out
For me to claim
No struggle
There was
You just waited
For us
And happy
You seem
In the cage
Of your dreams
Not every cage
is built with love
Though some the gods
Built from above
Monday, April 4, 2016
I Am a Renaissance
I write, but I don't feel like what I imagine a writer feels like.
I play the harp and I sing, but I don't feel like what I imagine a musician or singer feels like.
I am artsy. I do art. My home is covered in evidence of that, but I don't feel like what I imagine an artist feels like.
I'm not sure what it is, lack of commitment, lack of inspiration, or simply a lack of personal acknowledgment?
What makes a person assume the identity of what they do as who they are?
I am a writer.
I am an artist.
I am a musician.
I garden.
I cook.
I bake.
I sew.
I crochet.
I have had piano lessons, singing lessons, harp lessons, gardening lessons, painting lessons, Reiki lessons, Aikido lessons. I have children and I am their primary educational overseer. We utilize aromatherapy, massage therapy, and holistic health concepts. We raise goats, chickens, dogs, cats, rabbits, aquarium critters, and a hamster. We tap Maple trees, tend beehives, make soap and candles. We dry herbs for a variety of uses, and make tinctures. We make wine. I don't do these things alone, but I am involved in all of them to varying degrees.
Is it that I am just doing too many things? I certainly don't do them all every day, but everyday I am doing at least one of them.
Perhaps I am having a hard time with singular labels because I am a renaissance.
I play the harp and I sing, but I don't feel like what I imagine a musician or singer feels like.
I am artsy. I do art. My home is covered in evidence of that, but I don't feel like what I imagine an artist feels like.
I'm not sure what it is, lack of commitment, lack of inspiration, or simply a lack of personal acknowledgment?
What makes a person assume the identity of what they do as who they are?
I am a writer.
I am an artist.
I am a musician.
I garden.
I cook.
I bake.
I sew.
I crochet.
I have had piano lessons, singing lessons, harp lessons, gardening lessons, painting lessons, Reiki lessons, Aikido lessons. I have children and I am their primary educational overseer. We utilize aromatherapy, massage therapy, and holistic health concepts. We raise goats, chickens, dogs, cats, rabbits, aquarium critters, and a hamster. We tap Maple trees, tend beehives, make soap and candles. We dry herbs for a variety of uses, and make tinctures. We make wine. I don't do these things alone, but I am involved in all of them to varying degrees.
Is it that I am just doing too many things? I certainly don't do them all every day, but everyday I am doing at least one of them.
Perhaps I am having a hard time with singular labels because I am a renaissance.
The Echo of Tree Rings
Numerous personality profiles define me as leadership material. That always baffles me. I do not see myself in the way that people tend to see leaders, not human leaders anyway. Human leaders are like tall trees. They are obvious, strong, stately, and over-shadowing, intimidating, etc. I am just prickly.
Then I realized, in nature the tall trees are the leaders toward doom, not the leaders of healing, though they do offer much healing. A forest full of tall trees beckons loggers and wildfires. A tall tree is old and many of them die on their own without the hand of man. An old tree is impressive, because they don't all get that old. On the other hand, if you plow a field and then let it sit fallow you will get common weeds, lots and lots of common weeds, brambles mostly, raspberries, blackberries, hawthorns, blackthorns, nettles, burdocks, etc. They won't all be prickly, you will also get things like poison ivy! If walking through that field in two years, or so, don't wear short pants! You might not even be able to walk through that field without some sort of cutting implement. Those are the real leaders, the mothers of the forest. They will sort out the properties of the soil and encourage the growth of the appropriate weeds for the balance that is required for the little saplings. They will protect the little saplings from a variety of threats. They will offer gifts to anyone thinking of plowing that field again, gifts of berries and medicinal herbs. Granted, there are few these days that understand the value of those gifts, but that does not make them any less valuable. The value of a field that sits fallow for a few years is so great that Nature herself will burn down an ancient forest so that the underbrush can be reborn. If all those little prickly leaders get their way they will one day be overshadowed by the giants of the forests.
I am in awe of tall trees, especially the ones that are in ancient forests. I am not a tall tree. I am a prickly little mother leader.... the kind that every tall tree has way, way back in its family story. Maybe some day I will be overshadowed, perhaps by a tall tree with little squirrels in its branches, the forest planters, they promote the leaders of the next generation, as do the birds, and the bees, and the flowers, and all the trees... such interconnectedness.
Then I realized, in nature the tall trees are the leaders toward doom, not the leaders of healing, though they do offer much healing. A forest full of tall trees beckons loggers and wildfires. A tall tree is old and many of them die on their own without the hand of man. An old tree is impressive, because they don't all get that old. On the other hand, if you plow a field and then let it sit fallow you will get common weeds, lots and lots of common weeds, brambles mostly, raspberries, blackberries, hawthorns, blackthorns, nettles, burdocks, etc. They won't all be prickly, you will also get things like poison ivy! If walking through that field in two years, or so, don't wear short pants! You might not even be able to walk through that field without some sort of cutting implement. Those are the real leaders, the mothers of the forest. They will sort out the properties of the soil and encourage the growth of the appropriate weeds for the balance that is required for the little saplings. They will protect the little saplings from a variety of threats. They will offer gifts to anyone thinking of plowing that field again, gifts of berries and medicinal herbs. Granted, there are few these days that understand the value of those gifts, but that does not make them any less valuable. The value of a field that sits fallow for a few years is so great that Nature herself will burn down an ancient forest so that the underbrush can be reborn. If all those little prickly leaders get their way they will one day be overshadowed by the giants of the forests.
I am in awe of tall trees, especially the ones that are in ancient forests. I am not a tall tree. I am a prickly little mother leader.... the kind that every tall tree has way, way back in its family story. Maybe some day I will be overshadowed, perhaps by a tall tree with little squirrels in its branches, the forest planters, they promote the leaders of the next generation, as do the birds, and the bees, and the flowers, and all the trees... such interconnectedness.
Sunday, April 3, 2016
A Pendulum and Tarot Exercise
I was a bit unfocused today, which is nothing new, but on days when there aren't any pertinent calendar events then that feeling of being particularly unfocused usually leads me down a mystical sort of path. It took a little while to establish the energetic interaction that felt beckoning. The tarot cards and the pendulum, a fresh green pillar candle, some mint for smudging, a bit of Reiki to start off, and the course was beginning to develop some definition.
My path is currently meandering through the neighborhoods of Self-Discovery and Self-Initiation. My teachers are primarily books, articles and promptings. I do consider myself very fortunate when I occasionally encounter a flesh and blood mentor with respectable experience. I always learn something that feels quite valuable, though I try not to give away my own power, that is, the power of intuition. If something doesn't feel right, I just want to discreetly shelve it. I have also learned that there are a lot of conflicting views about most things, so adopting my own perspectives is strongly about what resonates well with me.
What I found myself doing today was not something that I read anywhere or was taught from any person, but it felt wonderful and energetically led. I lit a green pillar candle. I smudged my cards with mint and laid them all out, face down in tidy rows. Then I positioned the pendulum over the first card in the corner to my right and observed the activity of the pendulum, or lack thereof. The pendulum's motion was the first communication, the second communication was the clairaudient words, such as, if the pendulum was swinging in reverse the clairaudient words might be, "This is something that you are in the process of letting go." Or, if the pendulum was swinging forward the clairaudient communication might say, "This is a lesson that you are learning." If the pendulum was swinging wildly forward the clairaudient words might be, "This is a lesson that you have learned well." All these instances and more were part of the reading today. After the pendulum showed its activity, and after a clairaudient communication about its particular meaning for me regarding the card, the card was then turned over and reflected upon. All of these things were journaled and occasionally an additional comment was dictated. I got a little over three rows in when the pendulum no longer showed any activity over cards, and the clairaudient communication was. "That is all for now. Reflect." Not all of the cards in the first three rows had pendulum activity. There were a few that were still. That was communicated as, "Not currently applicable to your path."
My path is currently meandering through the neighborhoods of Self-Discovery and Self-Initiation. My teachers are primarily books, articles and promptings. I do consider myself very fortunate when I occasionally encounter a flesh and blood mentor with respectable experience. I always learn something that feels quite valuable, though I try not to give away my own power, that is, the power of intuition. If something doesn't feel right, I just want to discreetly shelve it. I have also learned that there are a lot of conflicting views about most things, so adopting my own perspectives is strongly about what resonates well with me.
What I found myself doing today was not something that I read anywhere or was taught from any person, but it felt wonderful and energetically led. I lit a green pillar candle. I smudged my cards with mint and laid them all out, face down in tidy rows. Then I positioned the pendulum over the first card in the corner to my right and observed the activity of the pendulum, or lack thereof. The pendulum's motion was the first communication, the second communication was the clairaudient words, such as, if the pendulum was swinging in reverse the clairaudient words might be, "This is something that you are in the process of letting go." Or, if the pendulum was swinging forward the clairaudient communication might say, "This is a lesson that you are learning." If the pendulum was swinging wildly forward the clairaudient words might be, "This is a lesson that you have learned well." All these instances and more were part of the reading today. After the pendulum showed its activity, and after a clairaudient communication about its particular meaning for me regarding the card, the card was then turned over and reflected upon. All of these things were journaled and occasionally an additional comment was dictated. I got a little over three rows in when the pendulum no longer showed any activity over cards, and the clairaudient communication was. "That is all for now. Reflect." Not all of the cards in the first three rows had pendulum activity. There were a few that were still. That was communicated as, "Not currently applicable to your path."
Friday, April 1, 2016
Grow and Live
Why don't they love me?
It's not about you,
The question's been posed.
Why do they carelessly pluck a rose?
Why do they chop down a mighty tree?
Why do they all wander aimlessly?
It's not about you,
Dear One with the thought.
It's not about you,
though you're worried and fraught.
Not really, at all,
though you stumble and fall.
Not really, you see,
just grow, like the tree.
Some trees manage to rise from a seed.
They blossom and fruit
meeting many a need.
meeting many a need.
They sway in the storms.
They sing in the wind.
They do it all once,
and then do it again.
Some have lived and then died
no one knowing they're there,
but for woodland creatures
like rabbits and bears.
The squirrels would have known,
perhaps planted, they did,
the tree in the forest
that lived and lived.
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
Thoughts
I like the rhythm of my own thoughts
Perhaps I like the rhythm of yours too
Perhaps I don't
I won't know unless I listen
But at least I have my own thoughts
to return to if yours turn out to be crappy
HA! Surely not, you scoff.
But I ask you, do you like your own thoughts?
My thoughts are filled with old growth forests,
dancers around firelight, strong mothers,
wise men, sassy and creative daughters,
sons with good reasoning skills and noble dreams,
cottages surrounded by fragrant herbs, and homes filled
with those that know how to use herbs well,
small patches of grass surrounded by privacy hedges and
fruit trees and greenhouses and gardens and permaculture
landscapes melting into semi-wild parks and even wilder
conservation areas. Foods that heal rather than kill and
professionals with hearts bigger than their paychecks.
A world where money stays in its proper place and quality
of life is so common that there is no such thing as a need
for charity fundraisers.
Of course I will entertain the thoughts of others for awhile,
but I will continue to return to my inner world quite frequently until
it is quite outside of myself.
Perhaps I like the rhythm of yours too
Perhaps I don't
I won't know unless I listen
But at least I have my own thoughts
to return to if yours turn out to be crappy
HA! Surely not, you scoff.
But I ask you, do you like your own thoughts?
My thoughts are filled with old growth forests,
dancers around firelight, strong mothers,
wise men, sassy and creative daughters,
sons with good reasoning skills and noble dreams,
cottages surrounded by fragrant herbs, and homes filled
with those that know how to use herbs well,
small patches of grass surrounded by privacy hedges and
fruit trees and greenhouses and gardens and permaculture
landscapes melting into semi-wild parks and even wilder
conservation areas. Foods that heal rather than kill and
professionals with hearts bigger than their paychecks.
A world where money stays in its proper place and quality
of life is so common that there is no such thing as a need
for charity fundraisers.
Of course I will entertain the thoughts of others for awhile,
but I will continue to return to my inner world quite frequently until
it is quite outside of myself.
Energetic Weather
There is always some sort of weather happening, in the literal world and in the metaphysically energetic world.
Empaths feel both types of weather very keenly.
I cannot speak for all empaths, but I love a rainy day. I love snow. I love cool breezes. I love sunny spring days and I love surprisingly chilly summer nights. I also love the joy of children, the sense of fulfillment that some grandparents get from spending time with their grandchildren, the overwhelming sense of honor that adoptive parents feel after a long struggle to offer themselves up as a family. I love compatible, romantic matches, and tolerant, appreciative friendships. I love when people correctly realize when it is time to walk away, and when it isn't.
There are also things I don't like. I don't like acres of mowed grass. I prefer small lawns for a game of Croquet or Bocce, pathways and permaculture. I don't like clearcut logging. I want old trees to be highly respected. I don't like soulless science. I don't like greedy capitalism. I don't like abuse of any kind.
Not everyone feels the same things the same way. Some people love to sunbathe on shadeless beaches, while others might prefer sking, or scuba diving, or spelunking, or bike riding, or hiking. We can't judge another person's happiness for them, they have to tell us these things. On the other hand, when the geese begin to fly south we know that winter is on its way. We can see the signs and we can feel the chill in the air.
Energetic weather isn't exactly about preferences, although it may seem so to some. Energetic weather is a lot like literal weather, you might like it, you might not, but there it is. Some try to manipulate weather, literal and energetic. To a degree they feel that they are succeeding. Since energy can be manipulated there are those that desire to harness it, and in many ways they can, but energy also has a mind of its own. Empaths involuntarily measure the unharnessed energies, literal and metaphysical. Just as it isn't too difficult to predict the arrival of winter, so it isn't too difficult to predict generalities in metaphysical weather. The specifics are more tricky. To say how many inches of snow will be coming is a much greater skill, that no one I am aware of has perfectly mastered yet.
What I have been leading up to is this, there is a metaphysical storm front on the horizon. This is not a maybe. The cold front and the warm front are building and affecting each other. The sky is a peculiar color. One is torn between a desire to stay out in the open and watch the mesmerizing display, or seek shelter immediately. Most are seeking shelter. Oddly, it is the introverts who are still out and about, seemingly oblivious to the herd mentality. The hotheads and the healers are also still able to be seen, perhaps representative of the hot and cold energies, perhaps even feeling a surge of uncommon vitality.
What sort of storm is brewing? Are there tornado warnings? High wind cautions? Will there be flash floods? Will the air be charged and cleansed?
The first big drops start to fall, just after the lightning strikes a tree in the distance. A sense of wonder and relief and fear is upon us.
Empaths feel both types of weather very keenly.
I cannot speak for all empaths, but I love a rainy day. I love snow. I love cool breezes. I love sunny spring days and I love surprisingly chilly summer nights. I also love the joy of children, the sense of fulfillment that some grandparents get from spending time with their grandchildren, the overwhelming sense of honor that adoptive parents feel after a long struggle to offer themselves up as a family. I love compatible, romantic matches, and tolerant, appreciative friendships. I love when people correctly realize when it is time to walk away, and when it isn't.
There are also things I don't like. I don't like acres of mowed grass. I prefer small lawns for a game of Croquet or Bocce, pathways and permaculture. I don't like clearcut logging. I want old trees to be highly respected. I don't like soulless science. I don't like greedy capitalism. I don't like abuse of any kind.
Not everyone feels the same things the same way. Some people love to sunbathe on shadeless beaches, while others might prefer sking, or scuba diving, or spelunking, or bike riding, or hiking. We can't judge another person's happiness for them, they have to tell us these things. On the other hand, when the geese begin to fly south we know that winter is on its way. We can see the signs and we can feel the chill in the air.
Energetic weather isn't exactly about preferences, although it may seem so to some. Energetic weather is a lot like literal weather, you might like it, you might not, but there it is. Some try to manipulate weather, literal and energetic. To a degree they feel that they are succeeding. Since energy can be manipulated there are those that desire to harness it, and in many ways they can, but energy also has a mind of its own. Empaths involuntarily measure the unharnessed energies, literal and metaphysical. Just as it isn't too difficult to predict the arrival of winter, so it isn't too difficult to predict generalities in metaphysical weather. The specifics are more tricky. To say how many inches of snow will be coming is a much greater skill, that no one I am aware of has perfectly mastered yet.
What I have been leading up to is this, there is a metaphysical storm front on the horizon. This is not a maybe. The cold front and the warm front are building and affecting each other. The sky is a peculiar color. One is torn between a desire to stay out in the open and watch the mesmerizing display, or seek shelter immediately. Most are seeking shelter. Oddly, it is the introverts who are still out and about, seemingly oblivious to the herd mentality. The hotheads and the healers are also still able to be seen, perhaps representative of the hot and cold energies, perhaps even feeling a surge of uncommon vitality.
What sort of storm is brewing? Are there tornado warnings? High wind cautions? Will there be flash floods? Will the air be charged and cleansed?
The first big drops start to fall, just after the lightning strikes a tree in the distance. A sense of wonder and relief and fear is upon us.
Tree Telepathy
Tree Telepathy
My thoughts:
A tree is not blind
or deaf
A tree is not alone
or without community
or without family
A tree is strong
A tree is wise
A tree is symbolic
A tree is metaphoric
A tree is sacred
A tree is able to be used and abused
I don't think I would have the courage to be a tree
A tree is courageous
The tree's response:
"Don't cry for me,"
said the tree.
"Learn from me
how to be,
and how to be
community....
For we already are."
~The Squirrels favorite Shagbark Hickory growing by the creek
My response:
You are the tree planted by the waters.
I want to be like you.
Though trees do not often get the respect they deserve, they are deserving.
It is towards our own peril that we undervalue the trees.
My thoughts:
A tree is not blind
or deaf
A tree is not alone
or without community
or without family
A tree is strong
A tree is wise
A tree is symbolic
A tree is metaphoric
A tree is sacred
A tree is able to be used and abused
I don't think I would have the courage to be a tree
A tree is courageous
The tree's response:
"Don't cry for me,"
said the tree.
"Learn from me
how to be,
and how to be
community....
For we already are."
~The Squirrels favorite Shagbark Hickory growing by the creek
My response:
You are the tree planted by the waters.
I want to be like you.
Though trees do not often get the respect they deserve, they are deserving.
It is towards our own peril that we undervalue the trees.
Monday, January 4, 2016
Diet Opinions
Happy New Year!
I wonder what percentage of the North American population thinks about their weight the first week of January?
Since it seems to be the season for weight thoughts, let's think about them.
For me, opinion only... no advice here, really, even if it sounds like it, even if you take it, these thoughts are just my opinions....
~Your heritage probably matters. Meaning, wherever your ancestors adapted to the local foods sources probably still affects the way you assimilate foods. That doesn't mean that we aren't still adapting, but your ancestry might be a good place to find the basics of your eating style, experiment from there.
~For me, that would be the areas where the Gauls lived. Ancient grains don't seem to bother me, and I think they enjoyed potatoes long enough that I can add them as a staple food, even though they originated elsewhere. Foods that originated with animals agree with me in moderation. Leafy greens really need to be in balance for me, I don't feel the slightest bit well on a diet that is primarily leafy greens... side salad here, please. Onions, on the other hand... bring them on! I have never tried a diet that was just onions... I really think people shouldn't do stuff like that unless their very survival critically depends on it. Variety is best, maybe not too much variety, but definitely variety.
~The Mediterranean Diet and the book French Women Don't Get Fat have served as inspirational guidelines for me, when it comes to focusing on a lifestyle of eating. I don't like the word diet when it seems to be referring to a disciplined and potentially goal-oriented way of eating. I prefer focusing on a healthy lifestyle which includes enjoying foods that are also good for me and ethical regarding the balance of nature.
~I love whole grain biscotti for breakfast, or maybe some cookies from really good ingredients, and maybe fresh fruit in season, especially fresh berries. Nothing like a seasonal morning walk to collect berries for breakfast. A heavy breakfast makes me want to take a nap. Organic milk with organic coffee, brewed at home, keeps me feeling great. The rich stuff I get elsewhere usually gives me a belly ache. Caffeine doesn't necessarily agree with everyone, but I think a lot of that has to do with their primary source of caffeine coming from modern soda, and there is almost nothing good in that stuff. The older varieties of fermented sodas, on the other hand, really were medicinal. Caffeine promotes weight loss and reduces cellulite, but you want a good source of it, something that doesn't aggravate any other conditions that you might have. For many, the benefits of green tea seem to be huge, I personally can't tolerate caffeinated or decaffeinated teas. I absolutely love herbal teas, though, especially before bed in the cold months.
~Lunch and supper are a bit more complicated. I don't naturally like to eat a meal at midday, I prefer to snack, but maybe I should be a bit more serious about it. Sitting down for a break, filling up my body with conscientious sustenance, it might feel like a nuisance if I am busy doing things, but I know that when I do I end up with more optimism and stamina. When supper rolls around it seems to be time for wining and dining, not that I always do that, but supper as an art form should not be underrated. Using seasonal, local foods should be the heart of the artisan supper, but nothing should be off limits, unless it is trashy, i.e. overly processed. Winding down with the magic of kitchen zen is something I am taking baby steps toward.
~Everything derives from nature, somehow, somewhere. The term "natural" is used loosely these days. What you want to watch for is how far from nature the end result managed to get. What is meant by artificial is that it is posing as something else, such as artificial strawberry flavor with zero strawberries in it. I could bake an "apple" pie using zucchini and it would sort of be an artificial apple pie, but that isn't usually how the word is used. I think you can safely translate the food related word "artificial" to mean: avoid if possible. The word you are looking for isn't exactly "natural" but "ethical." Foods carry energy. There is no denying that. You want good energy, you don't want sad energy, or guilty energy, or stupid energy. Nature is smart, you want to interactive intelligently with it, without taking mindless advantage. People have different opinions about how to best do that, but it is an important conversation to be having with yourself, and the energies.
~A lot of people bless food. As I got farther and farther from Protestantism, I became less and less likely to pray before I ate, but I have returned to the belief that the energy is still interactive and mysterious, and I fully enter into a meal blessing now, with the hope that blessings ripple through time and space. I desire to bless the entire process from which my food came, the process of eating it, and the results. A Reiki energy blessing is one way of doing this, but there are numerous ways.
~I am working on appropriate ways to express gratitude to the seen and unseen beings. It is not a foreign concept to me, but it has recently developed a depth that is profound. It certainly has to do with food, as well as other things, but I may have to blog about that in more depth another day.
~Gardening is a spiritual practice that reaps tangible benefits. Gardening is not, and should not be completely about those benefits. Honor the environments, they want to bless you, do not curse them in return. You truly will reap what you sow, but you aren't only sowing tangible seeds, there are intangible blessings and curses that you are entering into as well, they matter very, very much. I am only just beginning to learn about them, but they were wholeheartedly respected for thousands, upon thousands of years. You probably wouldn't be here if our ancestors hadn't been sensitive to the spirits of the environments. Don't mock what you don't understand, they weren't stupid, even if many of them did embrace the negative from time to time, often really. "The times they are a'changing."
~My favorite go to supplements include:
Wine, in moderation, for stress and overall well-being.
Magnesium and Stinging Nettle for allergies
Magnesium and Hawthorn for insomnia and heart palpitations
Milk Thistle for skin conditions, sluggish systems, and feeling toxic. Milk Thistle is said to be great for liver support, shouldn't hurt to get in the habit of taking some when exposed to intoxicants and contaminates. It might also boost the metabolism when taken regularly.
Dandelion was called a blood tonic by the Old Timers. Turns out there may be something to that. Although not a lot of studies have been done on humans, there seems to be some evidence that Dandelion flushes out the kidneys. You really don't want crappy kidneys. I reach for Dandelion when I have water retention. It is a great menstrual support herb for me, especially in combination with Milk Thistle.
Vitamin C, you have probably heard of it. One of the most popular supplements, can be overused, but overdosing isn't a big issue. What I have learned about Vitamin C is that the wild animals can adjust their levels of it more naturally than we do. When they are sick they automatically shoot their Vitamin C levels up dramatically. Many people take Vitamin C as a preventative, regularly. Although we do need some regularly the benefit of it might be amplified if we take a lot of it when we are feeling poorly. It helps us to assimilate many other beneficial vitamins and minerals.
Sambucus (Elderberry Concentrate) and Peppermint (and/or Eucalyptus) for chest ailments, i.e coughing, bronchial, pneumatic type issues.
Edible berries in general tend to be powerhouses of blessings, especially if they are local and wild, but domestic and organic would be the next best.
Lemon for fevers.
Probiotics including yogurt and kefir for sore throats, digestive disturbances, and system rebuilding during after antibiotics. I am learning about the value of prebiotics, foods that enhance the value of probiotics, I haven't learned enough yet to say that I have a good grasp on them.
~Again, these tidbits are my personal beliefs gathered from about 20 years of observation, but they do not necessarily hold truth for you. Everyone is different.
I wonder what percentage of the North American population thinks about their weight the first week of January?
Since it seems to be the season for weight thoughts, let's think about them.
For me, opinion only... no advice here, really, even if it sounds like it, even if you take it, these thoughts are just my opinions....
~Your heritage probably matters. Meaning, wherever your ancestors adapted to the local foods sources probably still affects the way you assimilate foods. That doesn't mean that we aren't still adapting, but your ancestry might be a good place to find the basics of your eating style, experiment from there.
~For me, that would be the areas where the Gauls lived. Ancient grains don't seem to bother me, and I think they enjoyed potatoes long enough that I can add them as a staple food, even though they originated elsewhere. Foods that originated with animals agree with me in moderation. Leafy greens really need to be in balance for me, I don't feel the slightest bit well on a diet that is primarily leafy greens... side salad here, please. Onions, on the other hand... bring them on! I have never tried a diet that was just onions... I really think people shouldn't do stuff like that unless their very survival critically depends on it. Variety is best, maybe not too much variety, but definitely variety.
~The Mediterranean Diet and the book French Women Don't Get Fat have served as inspirational guidelines for me, when it comes to focusing on a lifestyle of eating. I don't like the word diet when it seems to be referring to a disciplined and potentially goal-oriented way of eating. I prefer focusing on a healthy lifestyle which includes enjoying foods that are also good for me and ethical regarding the balance of nature.
~I love whole grain biscotti for breakfast, or maybe some cookies from really good ingredients, and maybe fresh fruit in season, especially fresh berries. Nothing like a seasonal morning walk to collect berries for breakfast. A heavy breakfast makes me want to take a nap. Organic milk with organic coffee, brewed at home, keeps me feeling great. The rich stuff I get elsewhere usually gives me a belly ache. Caffeine doesn't necessarily agree with everyone, but I think a lot of that has to do with their primary source of caffeine coming from modern soda, and there is almost nothing good in that stuff. The older varieties of fermented sodas, on the other hand, really were medicinal. Caffeine promotes weight loss and reduces cellulite, but you want a good source of it, something that doesn't aggravate any other conditions that you might have. For many, the benefits of green tea seem to be huge, I personally can't tolerate caffeinated or decaffeinated teas. I absolutely love herbal teas, though, especially before bed in the cold months.
~Lunch and supper are a bit more complicated. I don't naturally like to eat a meal at midday, I prefer to snack, but maybe I should be a bit more serious about it. Sitting down for a break, filling up my body with conscientious sustenance, it might feel like a nuisance if I am busy doing things, but I know that when I do I end up with more optimism and stamina. When supper rolls around it seems to be time for wining and dining, not that I always do that, but supper as an art form should not be underrated. Using seasonal, local foods should be the heart of the artisan supper, but nothing should be off limits, unless it is trashy, i.e. overly processed. Winding down with the magic of kitchen zen is something I am taking baby steps toward.
~Everything derives from nature, somehow, somewhere. The term "natural" is used loosely these days. What you want to watch for is how far from nature the end result managed to get. What is meant by artificial is that it is posing as something else, such as artificial strawberry flavor with zero strawberries in it. I could bake an "apple" pie using zucchini and it would sort of be an artificial apple pie, but that isn't usually how the word is used. I think you can safely translate the food related word "artificial" to mean: avoid if possible. The word you are looking for isn't exactly "natural" but "ethical." Foods carry energy. There is no denying that. You want good energy, you don't want sad energy, or guilty energy, or stupid energy. Nature is smart, you want to interactive intelligently with it, without taking mindless advantage. People have different opinions about how to best do that, but it is an important conversation to be having with yourself, and the energies.
~A lot of people bless food. As I got farther and farther from Protestantism, I became less and less likely to pray before I ate, but I have returned to the belief that the energy is still interactive and mysterious, and I fully enter into a meal blessing now, with the hope that blessings ripple through time and space. I desire to bless the entire process from which my food came, the process of eating it, and the results. A Reiki energy blessing is one way of doing this, but there are numerous ways.
~I am working on appropriate ways to express gratitude to the seen and unseen beings. It is not a foreign concept to me, but it has recently developed a depth that is profound. It certainly has to do with food, as well as other things, but I may have to blog about that in more depth another day.
~Gardening is a spiritual practice that reaps tangible benefits. Gardening is not, and should not be completely about those benefits. Honor the environments, they want to bless you, do not curse them in return. You truly will reap what you sow, but you aren't only sowing tangible seeds, there are intangible blessings and curses that you are entering into as well, they matter very, very much. I am only just beginning to learn about them, but they were wholeheartedly respected for thousands, upon thousands of years. You probably wouldn't be here if our ancestors hadn't been sensitive to the spirits of the environments. Don't mock what you don't understand, they weren't stupid, even if many of them did embrace the negative from time to time, often really. "The times they are a'changing."
~My favorite go to supplements include:
Wine, in moderation, for stress and overall well-being.
Magnesium and Stinging Nettle for allergies
Magnesium and Hawthorn for insomnia and heart palpitations
Milk Thistle for skin conditions, sluggish systems, and feeling toxic. Milk Thistle is said to be great for liver support, shouldn't hurt to get in the habit of taking some when exposed to intoxicants and contaminates. It might also boost the metabolism when taken regularly.
Dandelion was called a blood tonic by the Old Timers. Turns out there may be something to that. Although not a lot of studies have been done on humans, there seems to be some evidence that Dandelion flushes out the kidneys. You really don't want crappy kidneys. I reach for Dandelion when I have water retention. It is a great menstrual support herb for me, especially in combination with Milk Thistle.
Vitamin C, you have probably heard of it. One of the most popular supplements, can be overused, but overdosing isn't a big issue. What I have learned about Vitamin C is that the wild animals can adjust their levels of it more naturally than we do. When they are sick they automatically shoot their Vitamin C levels up dramatically. Many people take Vitamin C as a preventative, regularly. Although we do need some regularly the benefit of it might be amplified if we take a lot of it when we are feeling poorly. It helps us to assimilate many other beneficial vitamins and minerals.
Sambucus (Elderberry Concentrate) and Peppermint (and/or Eucalyptus) for chest ailments, i.e coughing, bronchial, pneumatic type issues.
Edible berries in general tend to be powerhouses of blessings, especially if they are local and wild, but domestic and organic would be the next best.
Lemon for fevers.
Probiotics including yogurt and kefir for sore throats, digestive disturbances, and system rebuilding during after antibiotics. I am learning about the value of prebiotics, foods that enhance the value of probiotics, I haven't learned enough yet to say that I have a good grasp on them.
~Again, these tidbits are my personal beliefs gathered from about 20 years of observation, but they do not necessarily hold truth for you. Everyone is different.
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
Statement of Faethe
I believe in faeries and Christ-consciousness.
I believe that witches have been much maligned by religion and that, although there can be misuse of power, there can also be much beauty and goodness in the power of the intuition and its ability to interact with elements of nature and spirit. The world has lost a lot of magic and it is time to start finding it again. I believe magic can be used for good or bad, but whatever you use it for will affect you even more than your intended. Intentions are magic, some people know that, some people don't. People with a lot of effective emotion behind their intentions are already practicing magic. Anyone with a lot of emotion is already a witch. Women tend to be particularly full of emotion and intuition, a lot of people ridicule that, but probably because they know deep down that it is a type of power and there are a lot of power struggles in the world. Some people have been trained to deny their emotions, that creates a black hole. Have you learned about black holes?
Emotions, actions, and words are all different. Just because you have emotions does not mean that you can use them however you wish, at least not without consequences. Weigh the consequences of words and actions, but never deny emotions. Emotions are always valid, actions are not always justifiable. Words have power, and you can't take them back. How have you used your powers?
Work ethics are important, but so is stillness.
Balance is the key.
Your surroundings will reflect your psyche... it might take time, but you really can get a good look inside yourself by staying in one place for a long time and seeing what your surroundings look like. We are all creators and/or destroyers. There are other creators and destroyers as well... there are many mysteries.
You can get a good look at the psyche of others by observing their surroundings also. What's up with acres and acres of boring grass? What's up with poison?
Messes aren't necessarily a bad thing, they aren't necessarily a good thing.
Cleanliness isn't necessarily next to godliness, but creativity is.
I find the term "Christian" insulting. Christianity was created by the man called Apostle Paul and I cannot stand his legacy. He wrote some good things, that he most likely plagiarized from others, but he also created a set of cultural rules, gender regulations, religious laws and bigotry. He rode a wave of power and directed its course toward subjection of women and created a religious order that was very, very contrary to the Christ-consciousness. All I can say about that is that evil can be alchemized eventually... I think that is beginning to happen. I sure hope so! I also think he stole Peter's identity and tried to steal his calling, but that is just my belief... rooted in studying theology, history and the Bible....
The Bible is a library. What you see in it depends on who you are. I see stories. Other people say they see truth, but what they mean by that is that they are right and people should do what they are told by whoever has the biggest guns.
My ancient ancestors were Gaelic. I am reclaiming aspects of that heritage and adding my own modern twist.
I love learning, I hate being told what to learn or how to learn "properly."
It is okay to rest.
It is okay to not be accepted by everyone.
It is not okay to not accept yourself.
I believe in energy. I believe it manifests in more ways than we can ever hope to understand. We call the manifestations by many names. I don't rule out anything just because I don't understand it, but there are cruel things that I don't want to accept as good. Cultures define good and bad differently, that doesn't make it right or wrong. There may or may not be an inherent truth, but I am still seeking it.
I was told that for every unkind thing you say to someone you have to say 10 kind things if you want to balance out the relationship in a healthy way, but I think there is more to the story. We will all probably say unkind things at some time or another, the first one might require 10 kind things for balance, the second one might require 11, the third 12, the fourth 13, the fifth 14, the sixth 15, etc.... If you are in the habit of saying unkind things you will eventually not be able to balance out the relationship. It is just math. Also, some unkind words weigh more than others. Some people don't even try to balance out their unkind words and then appear shocked when the relationship is unhealthy.
I have a lot to learn.
I believe that witches have been much maligned by religion and that, although there can be misuse of power, there can also be much beauty and goodness in the power of the intuition and its ability to interact with elements of nature and spirit. The world has lost a lot of magic and it is time to start finding it again. I believe magic can be used for good or bad, but whatever you use it for will affect you even more than your intended. Intentions are magic, some people know that, some people don't. People with a lot of effective emotion behind their intentions are already practicing magic. Anyone with a lot of emotion is already a witch. Women tend to be particularly full of emotion and intuition, a lot of people ridicule that, but probably because they know deep down that it is a type of power and there are a lot of power struggles in the world. Some people have been trained to deny their emotions, that creates a black hole. Have you learned about black holes?
Emotions, actions, and words are all different. Just because you have emotions does not mean that you can use them however you wish, at least not without consequences. Weigh the consequences of words and actions, but never deny emotions. Emotions are always valid, actions are not always justifiable. Words have power, and you can't take them back. How have you used your powers?
Work ethics are important, but so is stillness.
Balance is the key.
Your surroundings will reflect your psyche... it might take time, but you really can get a good look inside yourself by staying in one place for a long time and seeing what your surroundings look like. We are all creators and/or destroyers. There are other creators and destroyers as well... there are many mysteries.
You can get a good look at the psyche of others by observing their surroundings also. What's up with acres and acres of boring grass? What's up with poison?
Messes aren't necessarily a bad thing, they aren't necessarily a good thing.
Cleanliness isn't necessarily next to godliness, but creativity is.
I find the term "Christian" insulting. Christianity was created by the man called Apostle Paul and I cannot stand his legacy. He wrote some good things, that he most likely plagiarized from others, but he also created a set of cultural rules, gender regulations, religious laws and bigotry. He rode a wave of power and directed its course toward subjection of women and created a religious order that was very, very contrary to the Christ-consciousness. All I can say about that is that evil can be alchemized eventually... I think that is beginning to happen. I sure hope so! I also think he stole Peter's identity and tried to steal his calling, but that is just my belief... rooted in studying theology, history and the Bible....
The Bible is a library. What you see in it depends on who you are. I see stories. Other people say they see truth, but what they mean by that is that they are right and people should do what they are told by whoever has the biggest guns.
My ancient ancestors were Gaelic. I am reclaiming aspects of that heritage and adding my own modern twist.
I love learning, I hate being told what to learn or how to learn "properly."
It is okay to rest.
It is okay to not be accepted by everyone.
It is not okay to not accept yourself.
I believe in energy. I believe it manifests in more ways than we can ever hope to understand. We call the manifestations by many names. I don't rule out anything just because I don't understand it, but there are cruel things that I don't want to accept as good. Cultures define good and bad differently, that doesn't make it right or wrong. There may or may not be an inherent truth, but I am still seeking it.
I was told that for every unkind thing you say to someone you have to say 10 kind things if you want to balance out the relationship in a healthy way, but I think there is more to the story. We will all probably say unkind things at some time or another, the first one might require 10 kind things for balance, the second one might require 11, the third 12, the fourth 13, the fifth 14, the sixth 15, etc.... If you are in the habit of saying unkind things you will eventually not be able to balance out the relationship. It is just math. Also, some unkind words weigh more than others. Some people don't even try to balance out their unkind words and then appear shocked when the relationship is unhealthy.
I have a lot to learn.
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Theoretical Metaphysics
Once upon a time a friend's mother criticized North American women in general and me in particular for giving birth wrong. It is quite trendy to criticize mothers in birth, apparently there should be no screaming, no painkiller, no stress, no doctors, etc. Perhaps they are correct in their criticisms, perhaps not, perhaps the critics need criticized, perhaps not.
It has also been said that the better a woman's relationship with her mother, the more smoothly she will deliver her babies. Hmmm.... that explains an awful lot, seriously. I have no idea who to attribute that original thought to, but I have been fascinated by mother/daughter relationships and birth stories ever since.
So, my theory is this (it just came to me at 3:00 am as I was trying to sleep):
An unborn child's chakras are initially stimulated by its mother's chakras. All throughout life our chakras can be influenced by ourselves and others, but an unborn child's first energetic chakra interaction is with its mother.
First the Sacral Chakra is activated. A child will probably not attach to the womb if the sacral chakra is too unbalanced, thus an inability to conceive at all. Difficulties may be more likely to arise if a woman is at odds with the energies of the sacral chakra. If a woman's sacral chakra is whole she can more easily accept the new life being offered.
Second the Solar Chakra, the umbilical cord develops to receive nurture. The solar chakra is said to be an energy center of choice. For many reasons the choice to remain in the womb results in miscarriage, but many more times the choice is made to stay. The child accepts the mother, the child bonds with the mother, what the mother eats and drinks at this point is her choice, though she is not the only life affected by that choice.
Third, the heart chakra is activated. It is the chakra of wholeness, of love. How very profound, the love between mother and infant. Of course, we all know that sometimes things do not always work out as ideally as could be hoped. Sometimes mothers are not whole in their own heart chakra and they cannot pass on something that they do not have themselves. If their heart chakras are too blocked or unbalanced they may desire to terminate the pregnancy, or they may choose to give the child up for adoption, or perhaps the child is raised by its birth mother, but a lack of maternal intimacy creates a difficulty for the child to enter into other intimate relationships. All these things are difficult, but perhaps less difficult with chakral awareness.
The throat, brow and crown each have their turn, and I am sure that upon deeper reflection much insight could be gleaned...
The root chakra is last. If an unborn baby's root chakra is activated before it is born it is not a good sign and can make the child very sick, but if the root chakra is stimulated, as it should be, during the birth, as it passes through the birth canal, all is better. I do not want to say that all is well, because the birth canal connects a child to its spiritual ancestral legacies, at least on the mother's side. I suppose that the spiritual connection to the father's side has something to do with how the mother and father's root chakras have interacted up to that time....
So, aboriginal, indigenous type women, with clear connections to their spiritual roots would possibly have less complicated deliveries. A woman whose relationship to her matriarchal clan is not clear would possibly have very complicated deliveries, so much so that the root chakra may not even allow the birth, causing a need for a c-section. Which, in itself seems like a betrayal of feminine instinct, but on the other hand, in this passing era of patriarchy, for a child to disconnect from a heritage of misogyny is probably a very good thing. To instead be born through a different chakra symbolism is powerful.
The root chakra, which is the birth canal, is a chakra of survival instinct. If a child's chakra is not activated by the survival instinct of its mother it is likely to be activated by the survival instinct of a collective. In other words, the child may be less territorial for one particular tribe, and more considered about survival of the species.
Friday, December 4, 2015
Oh, Ye Sensitive Souls
Oh, ye sensitive souls,
those who know
when a kind word
is needed most,
but perhaps not why,
or how desperately.
May you always
receive the same.
Oh, ye sensitive souls,
who know where the
spot is most tender
and press hard,
until tears flow,
so you can feel your
own power.
May you know weakness.
May it heal you.
Oh, ye sensitive souls,
that are not yet born,
that are even now
choosing this life,
your path, your trials,
your joys, your heartbreaks,
take heart, you are needed.
May you know meaning
and great good
and hope.
those who know
when a kind word
is needed most,
but perhaps not why,
or how desperately.
May you always
receive the same.
Oh, ye sensitive souls,
who know where the
spot is most tender
and press hard,
until tears flow,
so you can feel your
own power.
May you know weakness.
May it heal you.
Oh, ye sensitive souls,
that are not yet born,
that are even now
choosing this life,
your path, your trials,
your joys, your heartbreaks,
take heart, you are needed.
May you know meaning
and great good
and hope.
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