The Outrageousness of Regular

Two large dogs and one small kitten
Separated by a rigged fence
A tension gate tied to a tv stand
They are good dogs
They can't take their eyes off of the small cat
They don't step across the boundary
They could easily step across the line
It is almost imaginary
A little girl tries to hold the kitten
The kitten does not trust the gate, the dogs, or the child
The kitten hasn't scratched anyone yet today

The child begins to sing to the kitten.
"You have to be trained if you want to be a grown up,
You have to be trained day and night."
The child walks toward the dogs, holding the kitten
The dogs begin to bark
The cat begins to grow tense
The child takes the kitten to a hiding place behind the couch
The dogs wish there was something more exciting to bark at
They pace from the kitchen to the living room
Barking at seemingly nothing

The little child tries to extract a promise from the kitten
"Promise me something. Promise me that you will never run off."

Taking the Semi out of Semi-Precious

What do I think I am reaching for when I reach for my crystals?

Well, for starters, what do I mean by crystals?

I mean rocks. Beautiful rocks with ancient significance, some more known to the ancients than others.

John's Revelations have some of my favorite examples of ancient crystal awareness:

"The One seated there looked like jasper and carnelian, and a rainbow gleaming like an emerald encircled the throne." 

"The foundations of the city (or people of the city) were adorned (or arranged) with every kind of precious stone: The first foundation was jasper, the second sapphire, the third chalcedony, the fourth emerald, the fifth sardonyx, the sixth carnelian, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, and the twelfth amethyst. 

And the twelve gates were twelve pearls, with each gate consisting of a single pearl. The main street of the city was pure gold, as pure as transparent glass. 

But I saw no temple in the city...."

I'm not entirely sure how my relationship with crystals happened, I vaguely remember a chain of events, but looking back it just seemed that one day I was not aware of crystals and the next day I was addicted to their resonance. It was as if they found me, I guess they did.

17 years ago we named our cat "Jade." I don't even know why I thought that was a beautiful word, I had no idea what Jade really was.

My mother-in-law shared some jewelry with me, I suspect that one of the strings of beads is Jade, but I have yet to have that confirmed. My wondering began.

My mother gave me some Tiger's Eye earrings and an Agate pendant. My youngest daughter desired a piece of Rose Quartz and then a piece of Amethyst, and was allowed to purchase them, and when she brought it home I loved them much as she did, it seemed. I began to purchase pieces for myself and my collection grew and grew and grew. Each piece comes with an encouragement, Tiger's Eye for insight, Agate for strength, Rose Quartz for gentle love, Amethyst for spirituality. The descriptions I mentioned are very, very basic. Each stone actually has layers of meanings, and can mean different things to different people.

My collection is more than some and not as much as others, but I have developed a sense of what they mean to me, so what do I reach for when I reach for:

Labradorite? Positive magic

Carnelian? Physical attraction

Citrine? Positive finances and sunny outlook

Aventurine? Luck in love and money

Jade? Power, but not for power's sake. When I feel like positive things are happening I reach for Jade to enhance the effects of that positivity. I avoid Jade when I feel negative. It also feels like it draws me to earthy people, but repels me from those who are motivated by the "Jotunn machine."

Jasper? Comfort and beauty, although it seems like it is backfiring a bit lately. As if my motivation for being beautiful causes me to overthink my own vanity and feel insecure instead. Perhaps Jasper needs to be used along with a desire to focus on letting inner beauty be seen outwardly, as opposed to vanity. I think outward beauty is a nice thing, but without inner beauty, vanity really is like a rotten Easter egg.

Tiger's Eye? Safety while traveling

Pink Quartz? Romance

Amethyst? Enhanced spirituality

Chevron Amethyst? Clearing an area of negativity

A necklace of Lapis Lazuli combined with Smokey Quartz? Enhancement of the "clairs," i.e. clairaudience, clairsentience, clairvoyance. It also seems to be helpful in seeing auras and communicating with nature spirits. At this time it is too powerful for me to wear frivolously, or it will mess with my realities. I have to wear it in relative solitude, it is wonderful to wear while walking in nature alone.

Denim Lapis earrings? They always stand out to my husband, he always says "nice earrings." I have come to reach for them when I am planning to be focused primarily on him.

Pearls? Letting go of expectations

Amber? Warmth and pain relief

Amazonite? Strength from the inside out, literal strength for bones and teeth and skin

Sardonyx? Emotional and physical protection

Malachite? Enhanced sense of personal worth

Kyanite? Good communication skills

Selenite? Spiritual sensitivity

Garnet? Spice of life, and deflection of negativity

Turquoise? Friendship

Blue Calcite? Saying the right things

Calcite? Find my personal perfections, what is just right for my journey

Goldstone? Energetic alchemy

Howlite? Neutrality

Clear Quartz? Aspirations

Pink Mangano? Reiki Stone

There are so many more, but the aforementioned have been entering into my daily life often.

I also have a bracelet that has a variety of stones to enhance the chakra energies and I wear it for energetic balance.

These are experiential observations. I start with the meanings that have been attributed to these stones by others, and I observe how I feel while I wear them. I sense how they interact with me and my surroundings. Different people respond differently to different stones, and some people aren't open enough to responding to stones at all, they might change, they might not.

Everything has a measurable vibration, and everything can affect the vibrations around it. Vibrations are related to emotion and relationships, and emotion to health. Vibrations will affect manifestation for better or worse, might as well be for better, right?

Looking at Thoughts

I long for something.

I'm not sure what.

I feel it when I hear the struggles of others, when I know I have had similar struggles and have found something that has helped, but they don't want to try it, or they say it won't work for them for xyz reasons.

I feel it when I like someone and they don't like me back.

I feel it when I don't feel like I even like myself.

I feel it when I don't like other people.

I feel it when I am happy, because I know that life is fleeting.

I feel it when I am sad and feel alone.

I feel it when it when I am joyful, and scared.

I feel it when I don't feel alone.

There is almost always a longing for something.

I feel like I am getting closer to knowing what that something is, perhaps because of the process of elimination. Perhaps because certain aspects of this longing have been fulfilled, while others have grown increasingly stronger.

My desire to understand healing has grown stronger, while my desire to nurture has diminished.

My desire to understand psychological influences has grown stronger, while my love of baking and sewing have nearly disappeared altogether.

My love of music is faint, while my love of theories consumes my thoughts.

What do I long for? I feel like I connect with it momentarily while meditating, and sometimes while doing yoga. Sometimes when I awake from dreams I feel like I am leaving something behind that I want to keep with me while waking. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by a sense of completeness, and I am not sure why, and then I am left seeking the cause of that feeling, like an addiction. Some people say that we shouldn't trust our feelings, I don't trust those people. I don't trust anyone or anything, I don't feel like I should. Trust seems irrelevant. I want to know why. Why seems relevant. Why do people do what they do? What is their motivation?

I feel like maybe if I can understand the motivations of others I might be able to better understand my own motivations, but I just feel distanced.... I feel very disconnected from people in general. I don't necessarily want to be, but their motivations are not my motivations, even if their motivations benefit me, they still aren't necessarily my motivations.... What are my motivations? I think that is what I am searching for.....

What motivates me?

It seems so obvious when I look at others, their motivations usually seem to shine like neon lights, but I can't seem to see my own motivations.

Trying to step back and view myself as I view others, I think it might have to do with an image of keeping a cozy home with alternating seasons of hospitality and solitude. Perhaps that is what is coming.... that has never fully been for me, perhaps that is why the longing remains. A home is a powerful place, a power that should be used for good.

Top Ten(ish) Essential Oil Favorites

Let me begin by saying that this post will be about personal preference, personal experience, and personal favorites. This information is not to be considered professional advice.

I have been using essential oils for several years now and there are several that I would just feel lost without.

We began with the very popular Tea Tree Oil, and it is still a nice one, but I find myself reaching for it less and less as I get to know these other oils.

I don't know if I have a number one favorite, so these are in no particular order:

~Peppermint and Eucalyptus~ These are not the same, but I find that they can be used interchangeably for many things, such as anything related to breathing. They are cooling.

~Frankincense~What a heavy hitter! This oil is a warm one, and powerful enough to fight cancer, yet gentle enough to be used without a carrier on facial skin. In my mind, Frankincense is a deep worker than can help to cure what ails you, physically and spiritually.

~Rose~Feeling down? Reach for Rose, the most uplifting of all the oils. It might raise your vibration so quickly you could feel dizzy, grounding is a word that I have learned to use a lot! (Certain crystals help with grounding. Amethyst and Rose Quartz would probably enhance the effects of Rose Oil, while labradorite, onyx, carnelian, and sardonyx [a blend of onyx and carnelian] might help to ground, they are some of my favorites for feeling grounded, there are many more options.)  Don't reach for Rose if you are afraid of heights... metaphysically speaking. Scientifically speaking, the higher your vibration the healthier and happier you are likely to be, and there is science behind that statement.... research it yourself.

~Citruses (Lemon, Lime, Orange, Tangerine, etc)~Again, these oils are not the same, but they have many of the same affectations. Clarity and immune balancing being high on the list of why I might reach for them. I have read that Lime is one of the most popular smells on the planet. The citruses are not known to have long shelf lives and they aren't usually among the most expensive of oils, so they are nice to use often. Lemon on the bottom of the feet has been helpful for easing fevers, a few drops every two hours was recommended and possibly a much more balanced alternative than other over-the-counter fever medicines.

~Rosemary~Headaches

~Lavender~Flies and moths don't like it, and it is a general soother, also good for breathing issues and immune balancing.

~Lemongrass~ Try it for yourself. I don't even know what to say about this one.... it seems to enhance whatever positive energy is already present.

~Clove~ Another powerful punch, it just seems to kill negative things like pain, bad breath, parasites,  germs, etc...


These Blends from Eden's Garden are also among my "always want to have on hand" list:

~Four Thieves Blend~Clove, Lemon, Eucalyptus, Rosemary (good for what ails ya, pretty much)

~Stay Alert Blend~In spite of its name, this oil is great for promoting a good night's sleep, silencing snoring and enhancing breathing, when used on the length of the spine in combination with frankincense it can encourage circulation while sleeping, and some have reported incredible healing.

~PMS Ease Blend~this is a great for the complaints related to female hormones

~Peace Blend~Doesn't the name say it all? We have also found that it is soothing for itchy skin due to poison ivy or bug bites. I also like to use Peace or Frankincense on my hands when practicing Reiki.


Most of these oils are also great for cleaning and repelling pests. There are many more that we have tried and liked, but this list includes the ones I find myself reaching for again, and again, and again, and again....

Being American

We did it. We created America. A few hundred years have gone by and we are still here, the Americans. Who are we? Who am I? This American that I am.

This morning I awoke to the sound of my alarm clock radio and an NPR interview with American musician Zack Condon. He is different from me, but his words resonated similarities. Searching the world for my own sound. Finding it at home. Thank you for that, Zack.

I haven't actually gone searching like he did, but my husband has done some traveling. The more he reflects on the differences in places and cultures the more I wonder who we are, as a people. Are we a people. The world seems to see us a people, "those Americans." Some want to be us, some want to destroy us, but they all know that we are here. Whoever we are.

We came here to this country from all over the world and fought with the people that were already here. I was told in Christian School that they were heathens. I am now surprised that people are still saying that. Less people are saying that, but people are still saying that.

We have attempted to destroyed this place. We have cut down the ancient forests. We have polluted the pristine streams. We have poisoned the fish and obliterated the birds and slaughtered the buffalo. We have made a mess of things. I was taught that we should be proud of ourselves. I am ashamed.

If we continue to recreate our futures as we have been living the past we may miss out on the opportunity to learn the best lessons from our deep-rooted histories. Travelers from America go looking all over the world for meaning and perspective. They go to places with older architecture and older habits and they litter and offend and spend lots of money and come home feeling richer for it. Why? What are they bringing back except bragging rights?

We should become humble. We should share this earth with all living things, as much as we possibly know how, and we know how, but greed prevents it. Fear prevents it. Will fear save us from ourselves?

What does it mean to be an American. An American housewife at that. You may have guessed by now that I am led by my heart. That my children motivate my thoughts on the future. All children motivate my thoughts for the future. What sort of future are we laying out for them? What tools are we giving them to survive and thrive?

I'd like to think that we are learning, evolving into a kinder more symbiotic species. Maybe we need a  cold, hard glimpse of ourselves, maybe we need mercy. I have read the histories of religions. I have talked with and listened to atheists. I have become pagan.

A Pagan American, what is that? I hesitate to seek out other pagans, I know we are all on our own path. Paganism is a journey of experience. Perhaps a love of nature unites? The invaders of this pristine land called the original people pagans. May we reignite the lessons that the spirits of the land taught them, and become a new type of people, a blending of the old ways inspired by the lessons we have learned for the new ways. May this melting pot of fury and pain and greed and quest boil down into a wisdom and hope and love. May we find our true freedom and the freedom that belongs to this place. May we live in true peace. We are all Earthlings, we are made of stars.

Pray Tell, Are You Postmodern? Are You Wonderful?

The education crisis in America is a personal crisis. It is the result of a paradigm shift. Generation X has been asking hard questions and the Baby Boomers are frustrated. "Why can't the generation of young parents just accept the traditions?" The older folks ask themselves. "Kids these days," they say.

What has happened is an explosion of information and technology that has opened up a virtual world. This virtual world makes it hard for us to keep our walls up so high. It makes it hard for us to deny that we are part of a collective. Every time we think we have found a boundary that defines us, that boundary moves. Our minds were still forming as we saw images of astronauts on the moon. Our childhood yards were littered with huge satellite dishes and noisy lawn mowers. Most of our great-grandparents, and in some cases our grandparents, knew lives without electricity, indoor plumbing, gas-powered lawn equipment, Monday Night Football, or fast food. They want us to continue raising our children as our parents were raised, as they assume we were raised, but who even raised us? A collective, that's who. A collective that was evolving faster than the speed of light. We are just now catching up enough to be able to even see.

There is a voice inside the head of younger parents these days, a voice that says, "You don't have to go outside yourself to belong, just be yourself." "Who am I?" We answer back.

Why are we here?

When we can answer that question we can better know how to raise children. The older generations had various answers for that question, but none of them seem valid these days. There is too much information to the contrary. Modern moms need to be philosophers, and modern dads want them to be, or are we now postmodern?

Generation Y is changing society. They seem optimistic that nothing can go wrong if they don't want it to. Are they correct? Is the power of positive thinking truly powerful? What is wrong? All I can come up with after years of musing is that imbalance is what is wrong, if anything is wrong. Who defines balance? What determines imbalance? There is an ecological intelligence that seems to know. The balance in nature is evident wherever humans have not invaded. Why do progressive humans feel compelled to upset that balance? What is progress if it isn't balance? After much musing I can only seem to come up with the answers of comfort and fear of suffering. They sell us comfort and it rules the world of humans. Anything that makes us more comfortable is at the top of the priority list, but are we really, truly comfortable, or are we sedated? There is a comfort that comes from a feeling of being connected to the balance of nature, and there is a comfort that comes from being isolated from nature by utilizing it at a resource. Are these the opposing consciousnesses? Are these two poles at the heart of the education crisis? Have we been taught that God is a resource to be utilized? Are gods involved in the balance of nature? Do they have opinions about us? What should we tell our children? What is important? Food? Shelter? The pursuit of happiness? Being a productive member of society? How many societies are there? What does it mean to be productive? Is there another way? Is it a good way? Is it a better way? Is there consciousness after death, is that life? Who knows these things? The richest person? The most dogmatic person? The oldest person? The youngest person? God? Can we talk to a god? Will a god talk back? Are we gods? What is the definition of a god? What is worship? Do we worship ourselves? Do we pray to each other? Do we pray to ourselves? If you answer these things quickly, thinking you know... you haven't become a philosopher yet..... and child-raising probably also seems straightforward to you. Why have you even gotten this far reading my post? Go, do something productive... you'll feel more comfortable.

New Aelyndell Greetings

At first she was a constant breeze
Tickling, giggling in the trees
More somber then she did become
Until I knew we were as One
Mother, Daughter, Old, yet New
Whispers, colors, glistening dew
Meandering, rippling, walking brook
Hovering, drifting, named Chi Nook
Virtual train tracks, red shining deer,
Highways, byways, far and near.
Gates and fences, walls and doors,
Crystals, fire, Ladies, Lords.
Mystic, mentor, still small voice
Echoes, messages, "Rejoice, rejoice!"
Like pen pals who do finally meet
Be Blessed!
Be Gentle!
Be Strong!
We greet.

All things she is surround me
I did not know 'til now
"She, my dear, has raised thee."
I do not know quite how,
But this I am for certain
As I raise my glass in toast,
She is the Goddess Elen
The Hostess with the most!
"There is an Order of hers
The women who are called
Maiden, Mothers, Crones, dear
They are the Priestesses of Old
The New, the gentler Age, dear
The Beauties can now shine
A hard won day has dawned, dear
Era of the Balanced Time"

Celebrating Syncretic Paganism

So many good vibrations today, and maybe a few not so good ones, but they are the mysteries, not the fears, at least not at the moment. Blogging started out as a bit of an exercise in finding myself, and then I found a mess of myself! I had so much to say I created several blogs to organize all the areas of my thoughts and then my thoughts were evolving so quickly that I felt ashamed of most of the depth  of my writings. I am no longer ashamed, even though I have changed a great deal, sort of. Really, what has happened is that I have truly found myself. The layers of paint that others applied have been pealed off layer by layer until all that remains is the wood grain, the instinctual pattern of who I am, the evidence of the type of roots and fruit that my type can produce. What is my type? Turns out that I am a NeoPagan Tree, rooted in the ancient instincts of Euro-Paganism, but with a New World twist, a new understanding of spiritual interactions. Two things that Peter pointed out for the Gentiles that would follow the New Way were no blood sacrifices and no non-committal orgies, in other words, "the marriage bed is sacred," respect it and enjoy it as such, and you don't have to kill things to honor God, quite the opposite. Historically these two things, blood sacrifice and orgies, were the foothold for much despair, although, there is no blame being laid here, just learning.

From what I understand, technically, the word "pagan" means someone who is not Catholic, Jewish, or Christian (followers of the teachings of Paul's version of Jesus). For many people "pagan" is synonymous with "heathen" or "hedonistic," but these days the term is more accurately understood to mean "the people that look to nature to find their gods." I started down that path because of verses I read in the Bible, such as:

 Job 12:3-10 (NASB) "  

3“But I have intelligence as well as you;

            I am not inferior to you
            And who does not know such things as these?

      4“I am a joke to my friends,
            The one who called on God and He answered him;
            The just and blameless man is a joke.

      5“He who is at ease holds calamity in contempt,
            As prepared for those whose feet slip.

      6“The tents of the destroyers prosper,
            And those who provoke God are secure,
            Whom God brings into their power.

      7“But now ask the beasts, and let them teach you;
            And the birds of the heavens, and let them tell you.

      8“Or speak to the earth, and let it teach you;
            And let the fish of the sea declare to you.

      9“Who among all these does not know
            That the hand of the LORD has done this,

      10In whose hand is the life of every living thing,

            And the breath of all mankind?"

And Job 40:6-41

6Then the Lord spoke to Job out of the storm:

7“Brace yourself like a man;

I will question you,

and you shall answer me.

8“Would you discredit my justice?

Would you condemn me to justify yourself?

9Do you have an arm like God’s,

and can your voice thunder like his?

10Then adorn yourself with glory and splendor,

and clothe yourself in honor and majesty.

11Unleash the fury of your wrath,

look at all who are proud and bring them low,

12look at all who are proud and humble them,

crush the wicked where they stand.

13Bury them all in the dust together;

shroud their faces in the grave.

14Then I myself will admit to you

that your own right hand can save you.

15“Look at Behemoth,

which I made along with you

and which feeds on grass like an ox.

16What strength it has in its loins,

what power in the muscles of its belly!

17Its tail sways like a cedar;

the sinews of its thighs are close-knit.

18Its bones are tubes of bronze,

its limbs like rods of iron.

19It ranks first among the works of God,

yet its Maker can approach it with his sword.

20The hills bring it their produce,

and all the wild animals play nearby.

21Under the lotus plants it lies,

hidden among the reeds in the marsh.

22The lotuses conceal it in their shadow;

the poplars by the stream surround it.

23A raging river does not alarm it;

it is secure, though the Jordan should surge against its mouth.

24Can anyone capture it by the eyes,

or trap it and pierce its nose?

1“Can you pull in Leviathan with a fishhook

or tie down its tongue with a rope?

2Can you put a cord through its nose

or pierce its jaw with a hook?

3Will it keep begging you for mercy?

Will it speak to you with gentle words?

4Will it make an agreement with you

for you to take it as your slave for life?

5Can you make a pet of it like a bird

or put it on a leash for the young women in your house?

6Will traders barter for it?

Will they divide it up among the merchants?

7Can you fill its hide with harpoons

or its head with fishing spears?

8If you lay a hand on it,

you will remember the struggle and never do it again!

9Any hope of subduing it is false;

the mere sight of it is overpowering.

10No one is fierce enough to rouse it.

Who then is able to stand against me?

11Who has a claim against me that I must pay?

Everything under heaven belongs to me.

12“I will not fail to speak of Leviathan’s limbs,

its strength and its graceful form.

13Who can strip off its outer coat?

Who can penetrate its double coat of armor^a ?

14Who dares open the doors of its mouth,

ringed about with fearsome teeth?

15Its back has^b rows of shields

tightly sealed together;

16each is so close to the next

that no air can pass between.

17They are joined fast to one another;

they cling together and cannot be parted.

18Its snorting throws out flashes of light;

its eyes are like the rays of dawn.

19Flames stream from its mouth;

sparks of fire shoot out.

20Smoke pours from its nostrils

as from a boiling pot over burning reeds.

21Its breath sets coals ablaze,

and flames dart from its mouth.

22Strength resides in its neck;

dismay goes before it.

23The folds of its flesh are tightly joined;

they are firm and immovable.

24Its chest is hard as rock,

hard as a lower millstone.

25When it rises up, the mighty are terrified;

they retreat before its thrashing.

26The sword that reaches it has no effect,

nor does the spear or the dart or the javelin.

27Iron it treats like straw

and bronze like rotten wood.

28Arrows do not make it flee;

slingstones are like chaff to it.

29A club seems to it but a piece of straw;

it laughs at the rattling of the lance.

30Its undersides are jagged potsherds,

leaving a trail in the mud like a threshing sledge.

31It makes the depths churn like a boiling caldron

and stirs up the sea like a pot of ointment.

32It leaves a glistening wake behind it;

one would think the deep had white hair.

33Nothing on earth is its equal—

a creature without fear.

34It looks down on all that are haughty;

it is king over all that are proud.”

And Psalm 104 (NASB)

1Bless the LORD, O my soul!
            O LORD my God, You are very great;
            You are clothed with splendor and majesty,

      2Covering Yourself with light as with a cloak,
            Stretching out heaven like a tent curtain.

      3He lays the beams of His upper chambers in the waters;
            He makes the clouds His chariot;
            He walks upon the wings of the wind;

      4He makes the winds His messengers,
            Flaming fire His ministers.

      5He established the earth upon its foundations,
            So that it will not totter forever and ever.

      6You covered it with the deep as with a garment;
            The waters were standing above the mountains.

      7At Your rebuke they fled,
            At the sound of Your thunder they hurried away.

      8The mountains rose; the valleys sank down
            To the place which You established for them.

      9You set a boundary that they may not pass over,
            So that they will not return to cover the earth.

      10He sends forth springs in the valleys;
            They flow between the mountains;

      11They give drink to every beast of the field;
            The wild donkeys quench their thirst.

      12Beside them the birds of the heavens dwell;
            They lift up their voices among the branches.

      13He waters the mountains from His upper chambers;
            The earth is satisfied with the fruit of His works.

      14He causes the grass to grow for the cattle,
            And vegetation for the labor of man,
            So that he may bring forth food from the earth,

      15And wine which makes man’s heart glad,
            So that he may make his face glisten with oil,
            And food which sustains man’s heart.

      16The trees of the LORD drink their fill,
            The cedars of Lebanon which He planted,

      17Where the birds build their nests,
            And the stork, whose home is the fir trees.

      18The high mountains are for the wild goats;
            The cliffs are a refuge for the shephanim.

      19He made the moon for the seasons;
            The sun knows the place of its setting.

      20You appoint darkness and it becomes night,
            In which all the beasts of the forest prowl about.

      21The young lions roar after their prey
            And seek their food from God.

      22When the sun rises they withdraw
            And lie down in their dens.

      23Man goes forth to his work
            And to his labor until evening.

      24O LORD, how many are Your works!
            In wisdom You have made them all;
            The earth is full of Your possessions.

      25There is the sea, great and broad,
            In which are swarms without number,
            Animals both small and great.

      26There the ships move along,
            And Leviathan, which You have formed to sport in it.

      27They all wait for You
            To give them their food in due season.

      28You give to them, they gather it up;
            You open Your hand, they are satisfied with good.

      29You hide Your face, they are dismayed;
            You take away their spirit, they expire
            And return to their dust.

      30You send forth Your Spirit, they are created;
            And You renew the face of the ground.

      31Let the glory of the LORD endure forever;
            Let the LORD be glad in His works;

      32He looks at the earth, and it trembles;
            He touches the mountains, and they smoke.

      33I will sing to the LORD as long as I live;
            I will sing praise to my God while I have my being.

      34Let my meditation be pleasing to Him;
            As for me, I shall be glad in the LORD.

      35Let sinners be consumed from the earth
            And let the wicked be no more.
            Bless the LORD, O my soul.
            Praise the LORD!

I have also come to believe that Bible was written in layers. "Face value" is entirely based on someone else's interpretation. These are echoes of ancient thoughts, and those echoes lead me to new transformations and understandings. Please, do not assume that when I share scripture that I have a typical understanding of it, or that I am completely agreeing with the translation that I have shared. When I read it I always adjust bits in my head to suit what I have learned from studying the Hebrew and Greek, and Modern and Ancient Judaic thoughts, but it would get verbose and beside the point to even begin to explain all that at this time. 

 What I have come to learn about pagans and myself is that there are many varieties, but essentially the meaning would be that there is a firm conviction that the spirit world is relational and that we should respect and interact to the best of our ability. I have known that principle for quite a long time, but I felt blocked. I couldn't understand why I felt so lonely and ineffective. Essentially, it was because I was living a lie. Allegorically I was like a beautiful piece of furniture that had been painted over with a faux grain to imitate what was really happening beneath the surface. Why fake reality? Being raised in churches all my life I had been taught a way of spiritual interaction that was "a form of godliness that had denied its power." The "dark night of the soul" that I entered into as I was compelled to seek the substance of my truth was really quite excruciating, lonely, and complicated. The other side, however, is quite the opposite, for the most part. Pantheons of spirit helpers are always close, Divine Messengers, i.e. Faeries, i.e Angels.

A Syncretic Pagan might be a good way of defining what I am now, although, in the pagan sense of the word I probably have a long way to go and could potentially offend as many on both sides of the fence with my self-defining. At the risk of over-simplification, let me say this, I was raised to believe that I was part of a body, the body being a bride, the bride being betrothed to Christ. I am going to try and keep this positive, but what I have come to believe is that that was one of the biggest lies of the past 2,000 or so years, and cause for the murder of many of the world's best and brightest. I want to believe that there was a higher purpose, and I look to the Christ-consciousness to try and understand that. Lies aside, the truth was never very far. Alongside the false bride the true bride shone, hidden in plain sight. The true bride is the spirit of a place, not a people. The Priestess of a New Earth, she shines with glory and splendor, her gates being the tribulations of men soothed and beautified with time, she is the Matriarchal Spirit of Symbiosis, Balance, Beauty, Healing, and more that we will come to understand. These concepts fascinated me, and then I found their counterparts and ancient explanations. The Pagan way honors both God and Goddess. The Patriarchal ways of Catholicism, Judaism, and Christianity, as well as any other Patriarchal religions, have no true goddess. The Goddess, the Bride of the Begotten Son, has been shining all along, but I wasn't allowed to see her. Now I have learned that my purpose in life is to adorn her with my good deeds. Beyond environmentalism and ecology is honor, even worship. To find again the ways of honoring Gaia, and the Place Where Peace Dwells... The New Jeru Salem. How ironic that the old Jerusalem is a place that represents the opposite of peace. I really only began to come to an beautiful understanding the book of Revelation when I began to understand the true Christ-consciousness, the bride and the false bride (Jezebel), the good deeds for a New Earth of the New Age saints, the trees for healing, recognizing the false apostle and his cronies and names, marks of the forehead/the third eye. Here is some reading if you also have much to learn about Christ-consciousness, it begins to explain: http://www.ctrforchristcon.org/christ-consciousness.asp



There is much that I am still learning, but wherever I am I am always a guest at a great wedding feast between a God and a Goddess,  looking to celebrate with beauty and healing and peace. I do not yet fully understand the balance of the universe, the light and dark, the good and evil, the above and below, but I feel that my soul is already in a better place, already safer and more calm. There is so much that I am excited to learn about the NeoPagan Path, and I don't feel that there is a need to organize the thoughts of my life into separate categories. The are connected, they belong together. If they are blogged anywhere they might as well all be blogged here. Be Blessed!


Footnote:

Alethia is the Greek name for the Spirit of Truth. She is alive and well, although she is more of a key, less of a weapon. Knowing that I am not Alethia, but that I believe she has been one of my guides, I hesitate to state boldly that I can fully separate lies and truth, sometimes they really aren't different, sometimes it is the perspective that is off. I think history, including the books of the Bible, are very skewed by perspective, so although I love history and will refer to it, I hesitate to quote anything to a great extent, knowing that my perspective of it is quite likely very different. I will place things in quotes that are verbatim. I am not sure that I have many original thoughts, I'm not sure anyone does, but the way we put those thoughts together can be original. It would be nearly impossible for me to track down the source of all my thoughts, and even in quoting others I may be quoting an ancient plagiarist. I have a plethora of thoughts to back up everything that I say, but the best depth of thought can many times only really be achieved through conversation. "Where two or three are gathered...."





About the photo: I captured this image this morning on the screen door of my porch. I believe this to be a moth of the family Geometridae, which essentially means earth or Gaia, a Gaia Moth, although they are commonly referred to as Geometer Moths, I think I will refer to it as a Gaia Moth. It appears to be of the species called False Crocus, and I think it is that, but all the other photos that I have found to compare it to have a dark angel at the tail wings rather than a white one as seen in the above photo. Also, this moth has been sitting on my door the entire time that I have been blogging. There were two, but the other one flew away when I began taking photos. This one has stayed even though the door has been opened and closed many times. I like to read into such occurrences as messengers of nature, often offering vibrational gifts. The vibrational message I am taking at the moment has to do with its colors, primarily yellow. Here are some color thoughts from another site, I hope they don't mind if I link this: "

The Color Yellow

The color yellow is the color of

the mind and the intellect

This color relates to acquired knowledge. It is the color which resonates with the left or logic side of the brain stimulating our mental faculties and creating mental agility and perception.

Being the lightest hue of the spectrum, the color psychology of yellow is uplifting and illuminating, offering hope, happiness, cheerfulness and fun. 

In the meaning of colors, yellow inspires original thought and inquisitiveness. 

Yellow is creative from a mental aspect, the color of new ideas, helping us to find new ways of doing things. It is the practical thinker, not the dreamer." http://www.empower-yourself-with-color-psychology.com/color-yellow.html

Maiden, Mother, Crone

40 is one of those ages, the older ages, until you are even older. I can confidently say that I have lived every day of my life thus far all in. I have always done everything that I have done with all of me. I hope I don't leave this life anytime soon, but if I do I can assuredly say that it has been a life worth living. As I reflect on the potential of the future I am filled with peace and resignation. Peace, due to the happiness I have found when thought and action unite. My thoughts have fueled my actions and the fruit of that is the life I am living, and it is a precious and beautiful life. Resignation, due to the uncertainty of separations.

The lives of others also encourage me. So many amazing intelligences sharing amazing gifts. I find it almost impossible to compare the good lives, I don't think we are meant to compare. We are meant to live in symbiosis, and that is what good lives achieve, the ability to live in such a way that they benefit the environment they touch. I suppose if I make any comparisons they are along the lines of lives that appear to be less well lived. Lives that appear to harm the environments they touch, like viruses, or plagues. I compare them to what could be better, but I am starting to learn from nature that even many disasters have benefits, but just because a volcano enriches the soil or creates islands doesn't mean that we should build a homestead at its active base, at least not until the danger is dormant, and even then it might not be completely safe, though it might be worth the risk for some.

My maiden life has taught me much that I hope to benefit others with as a mother. I hope I make it to crone, but it is somewhat comforting to know that I have a few more years before I qualify for that role. Blessed be.

Changelings

It all began with religion, for me. I was really good at church for a long time, all my childhood. I would sing my heart out, and play the piano, and the harp, and sometimes teach Sunday School, and I loved it. Something changed when I became a woman. It took awhile for me to figure out what was going on. Truth is, I began to think more. I began to question more. I began to sing less.

I have an overactive mind. I am not the most intelligent, or the most clever, but I am not the least either. I used to be more proud, but the more I learned, the more I realized that everything I thought was wrong, wicked, or ridiculous actually had some merit. And everything I thought was valid, and absolutely faultlessly truthful, was indeed not quite all that I thought it was.

My seeking has led me through some stagnant and deeply muddy places. Swamps of deception and despair, so they seemed, but in actuality they were the sites of old forests, chopped down by the controlling powers of the day. Powers that are having a hard time hiding what they have done. They used to think they did not need to hide their wicked ways, that all the world applauded their efforts, and they were right, but that was before all the world learned to read and write and communicate over long distances. That was before all the world realized, again, that the Earth has a voice. That is what I learned, that is what started with religion. When you study religion you learn about interesting things, like spirits, and unseen forces. When we are young we accept these things without thinking much about them, but as we get older we might begin to question things, and if you begin to question the reality of a spirit world, well, you are in for an adventure.

I came to the conclusion that the spirit world is most likely real, that I am probably interacting with it all the time, but that I am quite a novice when it comes to the language of spirit. Those that have been abusing one of the most matriarchal of spirits, Mother Earth, would not want people to be able to communicate with spirit, so even though the religious books are filled with spiritual communications, the churches of today have all but stifled the language of spirit and replaced it with fund-raising and do-gooder projects, most of which are completely ineffectual at bringing about any real good. So, I have turned to Nature. She is perhaps the best teacher for humanity. She is like a governess, or nanny, raising up the young ones to be good adults. These lessons are not without riddles, or challenges, or even danger, but one thing has changed, one very important paradigm shift has taken over the lessons of today,  Love.

Once upon a time, love and kindness were not respected. Survival was respected. Humankind learned from nature and what they learned was survival and symbiosis, mostly. Wickedness was the opposite of symbiosis and survival. This was a global understanding, or so it seemed. Then, the Abomination of Desolation swept over all the earth, destroying all those that understood the language of spirit, almost all, but the great destruction also taught one very critical thing, love is important.

Even now we are seeing a return to what might be called an "Eden Shift." Permaculture, animal rescues, tree hugging, sustainable living, these things and more are what humanity needs to learn to survive, not just for this generation, but for generations to come, if we want there to be generations to come we need to rethink, relearn, re-instinctualize the habits of humanity.

Essential oils and the metaphysical uses for crystals/stones have been an enjoyable learning experience for me. They connect the best of the past with the hopes of a brighter future.

It seems to me that we have been living for centuries in a changeling society. I thought that perhaps it was the fault of the changelings, but perhaps the faeries knew what was best. I just hope they show themselves more frequently and help us learn the magic we need to heal. One of the things I have come to believe is that in all folklore and myth there is truth for those who know how to see it.

I am looking for the music, my music. Perhaps it is time I let the thinking rest for awhile.... my mind has led me to the place where I can once again find feeling. "It is well with my soul."