If you belong to the "mommy club", in other words, if you have a child, then this blog probably won't seem inappropriate, but if you haven't I doubt that you want to continue reading....
My Puberty...
As a teenager my menstrual cycles were hellish, vomiting, diarrhea, passing out, extreme pain and cramping.... I was sure that labor and delivery couldn't be worse. (I was wrong.) I also had an extreme dislike of needles and doctors. I contemplated not ever marrying because I was told that it required having blood taken, but I was smitten by cupid and a needle prick seemed tolerable if it meant spending my life with my sweetheart.
First Baby...
The needles and doctors were still a big issue with me, so we opted for a Mennonite midwife for our prenatal care. We did need to find out what my blood type was so a trip to the local family practice did happen and the doctor was a total "prick"... hehe pun not really intended. He was a jerk though in my opinion, trying to convince me that I should come to him for my prenatal care... yuck. I wasn't about to remove my pants for his lousy bedside manner.... I had read lovely books about hot tea and foot massages and midwives that treated the "whole" you. What I didn't realize was that the Mennonite midwife mindset ended up being a bit more of a "barn" mentality... "get up and walk around until the baby comes out, or I can't help you..." ended up being the amount of "whole you" care that I received... 24 painful, agonizing, glimpse into the "other side" hours later we were at the emergency room of the local hospital. The midwife inferred that I was just lazy, but it turned out that the baby was stuck. My doctor/needle phobia ended with the epidural.... God has forgiven Eve!!!! Our first daughter was born after an arduous 36 hours. First time I stood up I passed out from the loss of blood, and I couldn't properly sit for weeks because of the large episiotomy. Even though we had thought a dozen children had sounded like a lovely idea, Avé was looking like an only child to me...
Change of mind....
It took about 2 months for the pain of labor to subside enough for me to consider having more children. "Experienced" mothers were reassuring that God designed natural spacing of births when a mother breast fed, so we were pretty surprised to be expecting again when our first daughter was only 4 months old. The doctor that delivered her seemed like a logical choice for our care, so that is where we went for the prenatal visits. His bedside manner was not endearing, but after the unsympathetic midwife I didn't have very high expectations. A lot more needles are used when medical doctors are in charge of care. One of the many tests came back questionable, so an early ultrasound was scheduled... "oh that test always gets that way when there are twins" was how we learned that we would be blessed with three babies one year old and under....
Although the pregnancy was tiresome and I was a bit concerned about my own limitations as a mother, there really weren't any complications. We were at the pediatricians with our oldest when my water broke. 37 weeks is considered quite normal and healthy for a twin birth and the labor and delivery was a breeze in comparison to my first. When the pain was to the point of being unbearable and I said, " I'll take that epidural now.." the nurse informed me that the babies were coming and it was too late for that. I was peeved at the time, to say the least, but if I had known that it would only be 2 hours of hard labor I may not have minded so much. That is what it was..... my lovely twin daughters had arrived.
Done for now... or maybe not...
I don't know if it was my "young mom" parenting skills or my babies' natural tendencies, but sleeping was not high on their priority list, being held was. We all caught a cold when the twins were about 5 months old and after five months of breastfeeding both of them and not getting more than an hour of sleep in a row I had a bit of a breakdown.... I needed help and I needed it now!!!! I got it, and that is all I am going to say about that.
It took a little longer for life to calm down enough to convince us that our family was not finished yet. A sweet friend loaned us a lovely book called
The Way Home: Beyond Feminism, Back to Reality by Mary Pride. It helped to renew our original desires for a large family and a month and a half later we were expecting again. The twins would be about two years old when we welcomed our son.
Again we went to the same doctor, and again I was not pleased by his gruff bedside manner, but what did I know? He scheduled an induced labor at 38 weeks, so that he wouldn't miss the delivery when he was away for his triathlon. Another long labor, 24 hours long, but an epidural was effective, so our son's posterior position wasn't nearly as painful as our first daughter's posterior presentation, and I had the most darling, sympathetic nurse that you could hope for during the majority of it. I think she literally sat by my bedside and held my hand for hours upon hours, she must not have had too many other patients that day, lucky for me...
Definitely ready for a breather, or so I thought....
Four babes, ages four and under, kept young parents pretty occupied, but apparently not so occupied that we didn't have some time to read on the toilet...
Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach got checked out from the library a few times. We weren't stupid... we used condoms :-) Soon we were expecting our fifth child.
Not okay...
Our fifth child is as much a blessing as all the others, but my mind and body were not prepared. I immediately began researching my preferred method of birth control and came up with the copper IUD. I think it was at the first prenatal visit that I brought it up, probably right after the doctor said... "the only people that have this many babies this close are either very poor or very religious". We kind of were both, but the comment still insulted me. I brought up the IUD and was told that it wasn't a popular birth control method anymore and at a few hundred dollars that insurance won't cover we probably wouldn't want to afford it anyway. I assured him that we were definitely still interested and I brought it up at nearly every visit. Soon we saw "Paraguard" advertisements sitting around his office.
Again the doctor wanted to induce so that our labor would not conflict with another one of his triathlons, but this time the baby did not cooperate. Pitocin was no match for her, she would come when she was good and ready! She decided to come a day before the doctor's triathlon. I can't imagine that anyone wants to stay up all night before a marathon, but I just wasn't being cooperative and insisted on being in labor... the nerve of me. Several times during our prenatal care I had mentioned that the only birth that went smoothly was the one that "the water" broke itself. During our prenatal visits I had repeatedly asked if it would be okay to wait for the water to break itself, even if it took a very long time, so long as there were not signs of distress. He agreed to that request until I was actually in labor, he said I was taking too long, I felt bullied into having my water broken, and then things began to get rough. "Epidural PLEASE"!!!! WTH???? After two attempts the anesthesiologist decided I was a lost cause, he couldn't get the epidural in, and I was faced with an unexpected "natural labor". Apparently God hadn't forgiven Eve after all....
I calmly informed the doctor that I was not emotionally prepared for the pain that I was about to face, and that although my labors were "safe" enough, my single births were very long and both of them were presented posterior and I was worried that this baby might not come out on her own, was there anything he could do to help me through this? He said, " If this is how you get when faced with labor you should be getting your tubes tied while you are in here..." I tensed up. and the labor continued for 15 hours, most of it hard labor, I panicked. The idea of being under the care of a doctor that didn't "get" the concept of a kind word caused my mind to interpret my care as " I could die on this table and he wouldn't give a damn..." I quite firmly stated that I felt that it was extremely unreasonable to allow me to continue indefinitely, that I did not think I was going to be okay and I insisted on a cesearean delivery. He agreed to my demand, but quit. Another doctor was called in to perform the surgery. I relaxed, and our fifth child was born, not even posterior, as the doctor adamantly pointed out. The replacement doctor hadn't had time to arrive, so he got to deliver our baby before his triathlon after all.
The ten ton straw... ( the one that broke the pregnant woman's composure)
I was more convinced than ever that I wanted that IUD. At the hospital I requested it from the doctor, (I don't know why I even gave him another chance.... ). He told me that I had to call his office and have them order one. When I did that the nurse told me that they have a supply of them at the office. I was like...what? So I asked to schedule an appointment. She informed me that I had to have my period to have it inserted. Well, for crying out loud. My periods wouldn't start coming for awhile, especially since I was breast feeding, and I know that I can get pregnant while doing that, and I know that condoms aren't effective!!! I was peeved, especially after reading that IUDs can be inserted during a period OR immediately after delivery!!! If that freakin' @#$%@%&& of a doctor had been doing his job instead of telling me that I was no good at mine then he would have known that we both agreed I needed birth control and he would have given it to me that day!!! But NOOOO it had to be his uninformed, controlling way, and as a result of his less than professional skills I was now at risk of becoming pregnant much sooner than I felt comfortable doing so... I refused to take hormones while breastfeeding. After a few months I started getting periods, but each time I called for an appointment I was informed that I couldn't get in for one to two weeks.... I wasn't regular enough yet to schedule that much ahead of time, so I just gave up on that pathetic office and called a new one. Same day service and I was good to go!!! Woohoo!!! One precaution... watch for heavy bleeding. A week later..... heavy bleeding! A trip to the emergency room informed us that the bleeding was "natural" but that the IUD was not inserted effectively. Thank you, merciful God! Another appointment, some minor hassles, and again... I was good to go. A check came in the mail covering the cost of the IUD. When I called the office to ask about it I was told to not ask too many questions.....
When it was time for my regularly scheduled yearly gyne check-up I procrastinated. I procrastinated for a few years. The thought of going back for gynecology care just felt a bit traumatizing. I finally made an appointment at the new office and was scheduled in with a midwife. As soon as she walked in I broke down into a sobbing fit, she was so kind, so compassionate. I scheduled all future visits with her for the next several years. Matter of fact, when we finally decided it was now or never with adding to our family... 35 is considered "high risk" and I was 34 after all, I was comforted by the thought of receiving my care from her. It wasn't until I called to schedule my first prenatal visit that I was informed that she does not give prenatal care, that she is technically a nurse practitioner. I had actually followed her to a new office where she was partners with one doctor, so it has been him that I have been seeing and he has proven to be highly compassionate as well, with a comforting and respectful bedside manner, and he has been tested. This pregnancy has had its complications..... low lying placenta, followed by mysterious infection (causing a five day stay in the hospital) and polyhydramnios (extra amniotic fluid) have been some of the things my body has presented him with. We have worked well together so far, at least in my opinion, and he seems to be genuinely interested in the well being of my baby and me....
Today I called to reschedule my appointment that is scheduled for tomorrow. I have not had to reschedule any of our prenatal visits before, but I accidentally scheduled an appointment for one of my children for the same evening and it is crucial that she does not miss it. When I called, an answering machine message informed me that my previous doctor had just joined the practice. A talk with a nurse followed by a talk with my doctor informed me that my previous doctor will be taking half the work load including deliveries.... I informed them that I will completely refuse his care, and I was reassured that I didn't have to worry about it.... I am less than reassured, and we shall see... it has been nearly eight years since my last labor, but still it makes me cry sometimes at the thought of it... I know now that I can make it through a "natural labor" but I still don't necessarily want to, and I would give my life for any one of my children, but I don't want to have to...
to be continued....
Cappaccino
Cocoa
Carob (and Shiloh)
Ashley (and Chester)
Alabama
Mint tea reminds me of visits to Grandma's house, always a recycled glass jar of meadow tea in the fridge and a kitchen filled with the aroma of mint, pears, and bacon? (She now sits lonely in a nursing home for most of her days, and my heart breaks for her and longs for her comfort.) I have been trying to grow mint tea since we moved into this house over three years ago... unsuccessfully, or so I thought. This spring I had given up trying, between the cats and the chickens, the tea didn't have a chance, or so I thought. Much to my surprise there are now numerous patches of mint tea coming up all over my garden! None of it is coming up anywhere that I actually planted it, so I can only assume that it was planted by Nature herself.... (or perhaps the comforting orbs?)
