Going the Way of the Buffalo.... or the Goddess... You Decide.

Who am I that you should listen to me? I am nobody, nothing, not much of anything significant. Almost no one reads this blog anymore since I have dropped the drama, it is boring. I am just a middle-aged white homeschool mommy blogger with a high school education and a fascination for seeking.... something. This is my most real identity (I also don't like commas, but sometimes they are necessary). It isn't my only identity. There are days when I am sure that I mean something, that I am highly significant, but those feelings are brief, fleeting, they are ants under the giant magnifying glass of society. There are also days when I am the child that my parents hate or even worse, don't think about at all. I am worse than dead to them, they don't grieve my absence or wish for more days with me, they wish I was never born. I have come to realize that is also a view that society has, over-population, wishing that more and more people just don't get born. Wow. Happy Days... not.

I started to reflect on thoughts like this first thing this morning when my alarm went off. NPR was talking about a recent study that highlighted a "disturbing" trend among the middle-aged white population that topped out their education with a high school diploma. Hmmm... I am part of the middle aged white population with a high school diploma. I have a homeschool diploma. I went to school for 12 years, K-11, and then I homeschooled my last year. I didn't actually need to. I kind of thought that I didn't actually need to, but when I had a meeting with the vice-principal of my high school about graduating early, since most of my classes were with the class above me, he told me that I could not due to needing more credits. So, I homeschooled my senior year, since I was bored with school, and when I went for my end of the year evaluation for approval for a certified diploma the evaluator said that I didn't even need the last year, I had plenty of credits from school. I had mixed emotions about that. I have chosen to home educate my own children, but every year I ask them if they prefer to be home or if they would like to try out school. They do not want to commit to school. I don't blame them, but I do wonder what life has in store for them. I don't know how homeschoolers fit into the middle-aged white "dilemma." I guess we will find out.

As for me, like I said, I seek, and sometimes I find. Through my seeking I have discovered the possibility that people need communities. It is a strong possibility. People are generally not designed to be solitary, but they do need the freedom of personal space and solitude. It is a confusing blend, but we see this demonstrated with chickens. If you force too many chickens to be together in a confined space they turn on each other, but if you let them wander freely about they flock and stick up for each other. They prefer to flock with other chickens that look like them, "birds of a feather flock together," they really do, but if none of them actually look like each other they will hang with chickens simply because they are chickens, if they don't have other chickens they will find ducks or geese or peafowl, if they don't have those they will find whatever they can, they like companionship, but they don't like crowded spaces. We are much the same, but the world is so full of crowded spaces, and when we do flock together, much like chickens, we establish pecking orders and territorial flocking spaces. It is kind of simple, kind of. Factory farmed chickens are raised in large, crowded spaces, they are debeaked, and deinstincted, much like people. We too are being raised in large, crowded space, deweaponed and deinstincted. It is hard to trust our own kind, we are so far removed from our instincts, we don't even know which feather we are in order to identify the others that look like us, we are having a hard time seeing our souls, and that is really what defines us.

Does this dilemma have a story? Yes, a long, foggy, complicated one, but the short, oversimplified version is that well-meaning concepts have been attached to pendulums that swing wildly out of control. What is good in moderation is not good in excess, basically. Sharing one's spiritual beliefs, for instance, is a great thing to do, forcing those beliefs on entire civilizations at the cost of death is not a good thing to do, yet it has been done for centuries, therein lies the root of the current problems. The solution is a tiny little sprout, I hope it is a stubborn weed.

The solution lies in the power of our instinctive spirit not dying when they confine us and debeak us. The solution lies in realizing that ants are not defined by the magnifying glass. The solution lies in using those beaks for what they should be used for, not for defense, they are great for defense, but they are best used for foraging. We are the same, what we use to harm others is really just meant for foraging, mindfully. Chickens are not vegetarians, nature is not vegetarian. There are vegetarians in nature, and carnivores eat them like big, yummy plant byproducts. That does not mean that vegetarians should be disrespected, or that they are not part of the circle of life. It also does not mean that carnivores should be disrespected, or that they are not part of the circle of life. It does mean that there is a circle of life, with a balance of life and death. What society offers us is a circle of death, and no balance. Look around you, are you being defined by a symbol of death, such as, say, a cross, or a gun? It is your identity, you are very proud of it, you would peck your neighbor to death to defend that identity of yours, and you wouldn't feel guilty about it. Or would you... who are you? Who am I? What happens when we die? What happens when our neighbor dies? Is there hope in these answers, or fear? Hope and fear get so intertwined. "I know I am going to heaven not hell!" I have heard since I was a wee lass. The fear of hell seems to balance out the joy of heaven, for so many. I too entered into that mindset as a child, but as I became more and more of a seeker I just wasn't all that happy about being part of an elite minority. I wanted to be part of a symbiosis of life. I wanted everyone and everything to have a beautiful part in this life and in whatever comes next. All rainbows and butterflies and light and joy! I hoped, then I had a nightmare that all the trees in my yard were chopped down, that there was nothing but sunshine, so much sunshine! I realized that darkness has a good place, but are there types of darkness, surely darkness is dangerous, metaphorically speaking, or is it just metaphor? We are a solar-powered planet, I think, it seems anyway. We do literally need light, but we also need darkness, literally and metaphorically. That is what the religions don't excel at, the cooling, refreshing darkness, the balance. They show us the dangers of excessive darkness, and they are correct, when the pendulum swings too far there is trouble, but they don't highlight the dangers of excessive light. They showed us the cross and we have run so far the other way that we are standing thirsty in a desert of light, a crowded desert.

The information shared by NPR this morning was like an arrow of poignant thought for me. I then looked up another article online by the NYTimes. (Here is a link Middle-Aged White American Crisis) A lack of college education is being emphasized as a determining factor, but I am seeing something deeper. I heard the article to be saying that out of an elite majority in the "Land of the Free and Home of the Brave" we have raised a hopeless generation, disconnected from their communities and disgusted with their society. There are some that fit in with societal standards, they are the ones that go to college and semi-happily find purpose in the "rat race." Have you read, "Who Moved My Cheese?" The other ones, the white ones, the enslavers, the ones who aren't allowed to have white pride, the ones that have been given the benefit of being born in America with all the privileges of being a caucasian in the "best country in the world," the ones that have no excuse to not succeed, because they have been given every advantage, the ones that weren't born in huts without running water, the ones that have achieved the much promoted high school diploma.... they have decided that life hurts. Life hurts so much that they need to numb the pain with whatever they can get their hands on. That reminds me of another article I read recently about the nature of addiction. (Here is a link Human Connection and the Roots of Addiction) Seems that people need people, and not just to be forced to be together in confined spaces. Learn from the chickens, folks. Why does that chicken keep crossing the road? I think the road might be the answer. We have had several chickens hit by cars, sadly. We confine them in movable coops, but sometimes they just love to run about. They are so happy running about that I let them take their chances with it, life is short anyway. Turns out that chickens really like standing in the middle of the road, a much disdained place by society, but if you look at it from the perspective of the pendulum or scales, it looks more like balance. To be able to stand in the middle of the road without getting hit by the speed of "progress," that is what "underachieving" middle-aged white America is trying to do. They aren't dying in huts, but they don't want to be part of the rat race, and the only place left is the middle of the road. It is a lonely place to be, but if there were more and more and more chickens hanging out in the middle of the road there would probably be more cars stopping rather than running right over them, the chickens might get a tad more respect, but in America you aren't allowed to have a flock of chickens hanging out on the road. We are civilized, for crying out loud. Well, our suicide and addiction rates don't look too civilized, folks. Sorry, but we need a few more flocks of chickens to teach us about what we are doing wrong.

I really wanted to talk about trees. I think trees are the answer, and wolves, and sharks and butterflies and rainbows... and.... what does it matter what I think? No one reads this anyway, and even if they did, I don't have a college education, so my thoughts don't matter. I am just a middle-aged white American housewife, no one listens to them, not their parents, not their children, not their friends, not their government, not their God. Their Goddess on the other hand.... have you met her? Don't let that pendulum swing too far, though, the God and Goddess thrive on balance. The Chalice and the Athame, the cup and the knife, what do they symbolize to you?